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Silly move for someone my age? i dont know whag to do!(5 Posts)
I’m 34. I’ve got a decent job in a city and I live about 20 minutes outside this city in a house I like, i bought myself about 6 years ago. I have wanted to settle down for a long time. For whatever reason things haven’t worked out and after a particularly shit relationship ending earlier this year, I have felt like a broken person. I really thought that was it and I feel at square one again. I have lots of friends round here but also in other cities and back where I grew up - which is a small village, about 45/50 miles from places like Manchester, Sheffield, , Nottingham (incidentally where I have friends in each of these places). All of my friends in all these different locations have families and are settled so mostly the friendship is over the phone or driving to meet half way from where I am currently based. What I mean is, it’s not like I have people popping into my house here all the time. It’s really been a good base for work basically and the area is convenient for City dates and shopping and bars etc.
So here’s the question... I feel I want to move back to where I grew up. Ideally I wouldn’t sell this place (no idea if it’s feasible yet to have two places). But the finances is not the point...the point is would I be crazy at my age to move to a small village in the middle of not much, 50 miles from the closest cities? The village does have some younger people but it’s generally quiet and older generation. My friends who live round there are married with kids. I would have to commute to my work which would take an hour and a half probably, but I am hoping that in the future that will be no more than twice a week anyway so I could live with that.
My main concern is that while I am bored of where I live and have always wanted a country cottage, I never imagined it would be alone. I thought here was the place to meet someone..all the dating apps are full round here and the city is busy. However I have been here years and never found the right one so it hasn’t exactly worked out. And I don’t think I want to live alone like this on the edge of a city for the next god knows how long. I would rather be alone but in a pretty place. But ultimately I want to meet someone... is making this move going to cut down options and chances? As bad as it sounds, I doubt I would meet many professionals my age round there either, whereas in the city it is full of those people. Albeit none have worked out when I’ve been dating.
I just feel lost and like my life is in this weird state where I want the little place in the country but I never thought I would be doing it alone and maybe doing that will mean I am always alone?
Is it possible that you've not healed from the break-up yet and it's clouding everything? Could conscious uncoupling help?
You will have higher chances of getting into a new relationship and starting a family if you are not tied to a specific geographical location emotionally because the pool of potential candidates will be bigger. So you current situation is preferable to investing a year or more into a new location that you will love and will be unwilling to give up.
However if you want to just heal and be happy and maybe have a family in a nice-to-have but not essential kind of way then relocating and rediscovering who you are makes perfect sense.
Mark Manson has a lot of good stuff on dating and relationships.
If it’s affordable and feasible, then having a base in the city and a bolt hole is a good option. It’s not that unusual as it can allow for a dual lifestyle as and when you want it.
The thing is I don’t understand your lifestyle apart from wanting to date. Who are you and what do you want from life? Please don’t limit it to meeting a man.
I would say to you it is early days . Give yourself a time scale eg I am going to give it a year here and see how it pans out . This is what I did but it was two years and yes my life changed totally in those two years . Yes you will greatly diminish your chances of meeting someone . There is nothing wrong with knowing that you want to spend your future as part of a couple , nothing at all - it doesn't make you wanting or needy . It is your choice .
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