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Boyfriend wants space

(19 Posts)
GreyMirror Sun 09-Aug-20 07:19:14

Please help me not be a selfish idiot and ruin things with him. We’ve been together about 8 months. Didn’t see each other over lockdown so already spent quite a bit of time apart.

He’s had a stressful family situation. Don’t want to say too much about it, feel like it’s not my place to talk about his personal problems. He’s asked for some space to sort his head out and so he can process things properly.

It’s been 2 weeks since I heard from him. I sent a couple of light hearted texts (he said not to stop texting completely), just things I’d seen that I thought would make him smile. He’s read them but not replied.

I feel so sad every time I think about him. I miss talking to him and want to be there for him. But at the same time I want to respect his wishes and give him the space he needs. I’ve been struggling with it a lot the last few days and really want to text and ask him to talk to me. How do I get through this making sure we’re both ok?

OP’s posts: |
dudsville Sun 09-Aug-20 07:23:53

You've not been together long so this may not apply, but when a person is going through something those closest to them should be in the know if not actually relied upon. He doesn't need you. So he may be fiercely independent, and that's ok, but he should recognise your role if he values you and clue you in more. I'd say you're on the outskirts of his life and not playing a central role.

category12 Sun 09-Aug-20 07:58:09

I think he's being quite horrible to you, tbh. Wants to keep you hanging and worrying about him, but can't even be arsed to text you back occasionally.

I can't see what family situation could possibly be so awful that he couldn't reply a couple of words.

Tartan333 Sun 09-Aug-20 08:01:27

I 'm sorry but it sounds like he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. I can't see why he wouldn't at least be able to message you. He has pushed you away and keeping you hanging.

Happygirl79 Sun 09-Aug-20 08:04:18

I need space means I don't want to be with you but haven't the nerve to say it outright

AlwaysCheddar Sun 09-Aug-20 08:21:37

Give up, he’s not that interested clearly.

Thehop Sun 09-Aug-20 08:58:10

He doesn’t share the feelings you do.

He’s keeping you as a back up, which is cruel.

Stop texting him.

Rangoon Sun 09-Aug-20 09:00:15

In my experience, men who want "space" plan to fill that space with another woman.

remainin Sun 09-Aug-20 09:07:53

IMO, "I need space" means "I want to break up".

ALittleBitConfused1 Sun 09-Aug-20 11:29:41

I've had the I want space used on me too. The next day he was on POF. Tbh I could be way off but I need space means one of two things I'm going through shit and you're not important enough for me to share that with you, because isnt that what you do when you're in a relationship. Or I want to end it but I havent got the balls so I'll keep you hanging for a bit until you get the idea or you end it.
Tbh space is one thing, I get that but no contact in 2 weeks is damn right rude. Ok so hes got shit to deal with but if he cant even send a thank you text after reading your message well I wouldnt be wasting my time sitting around waiting for him..

Dery Sun 09-Aug-20 12:09:31

Another one here who thinks you should cut your losses and move on. It's painful for you right now but that will pass.

8 months is long enough into a serious adult relationship that he could have been sharing some of his difficulties with you and finding comfort in your relationship - not shutting you out.

8 months is also way too soon to be needing space if the relationship is a good one: if you were, say, 3-4 years in and perhaps disagreeing about a major life decision (whether or not to buy a place together/get married/have children), then a partner may genuinely need some space to decide priorities while still remaining emotionally committed to the relationship. But that's not your situation either.

It does sound like he either hasn't got the balls to end it or he's keeping you dangling in case he wants to come back at some future point. Either way, cut the thread. You're worth way more.

FatCatThinCat Sun 09-Aug-20 12:14:58

I agree with the others, he's not into the relationship but doesn't have the backbone to tell you and completely walk away.

Chitlin Sun 09-Aug-20 12:16:28

Oh, OP.

You've been dumped. You just haven't realised it yet.

seensome Sun 09-Aug-20 12:26:22

Move on from him, anyone that loves you still would want your support, you wouldn't ignore someone that you would want to be with.

Onemansoapopera Sun 09-Aug-20 12:43:05

He's ghosting you in plain sight OP, sorry sad

chubbyhotchoc Sun 09-Aug-20 14:16:47

Consider it over and date others. He's benched you. He's not into you. Move on.

LilyWater Sun 09-Aug-20 15:10:00

He probably said not to stop texting in order to spare your feelings as he could see that you wanted to keep in contact with him even though he was not in the mindspace for it. To be fair, if someone's in a really stressful situation, developing a relationship that you don't see as long term anyway can be very draining when you have other emotions and problems you're dealing with. He should have been more honest with you though. You deserve better and it's actually good this incident has exposed how he sees the relationship - don't message him again (and don't allow him to sneak his way back to you) - move on flowers

bangheadhere40 Sun 09-Aug-20 15:16:30

Hello...another who thinks he's taken the cowards way out here. Even more cowardly as you sound like a nice caring person.

Sorry OP.

Tinyandpetite Tue 18-Aug-20 01:36:26

Did he get in touch OP?

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