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Relief at telling husband I want to separate but guilt is killing me

(4 Posts)
Glittergirl80 Sat 08-Aug-20 22:53:52

i've been unhappy for so long as per previous post. He is an emotional bully where me and the boys are concerned. Often puts me down then always says "its fun can u not take a joke" when l tell him he upsets me. he's called DS a thicko and when he asked his dad for a kiss and cuddle he said "u don't go about kissing boys u'll get the jail for that!" I mean wtf?! anyway l told him on tuesday that l want to separate and it didn't go down well. the boys don't know yet till we know better what is happening. I told him I want to try to keep the house purely to make it as painless as possible for the boys but he's doing what he can to make it impossible. We both have lawyers appointments next week. I feel relieved and l know this is what l want and do believe its the best thing for me and my boys but omg do l feel guilty. I know he's hurting and today I went to a BBQ at my brother and sister in laws and l didn't miss him or wish he was there but l felt so damn guilty and such a bad person. He has literally no friends his only social life revolves around me and my family. his mum lives an hour away and his only brother lives in Dubai. it's killing me doing this but i've tried and got nothing back. l don't love him anymore and the thought of him touching me makes my skin crawl but how do i cope with the guilt of ripping my family apart for my own selfish reasons?

OP’s posts: |
OhYeahYouSuck Sat 08-Aug-20 23:08:08

It's not selfish at all. He is a horrible bully and you are protecting your children from him.

The fact his life revolves around you is his problem not yours. I had this guilt when I was discussing with exH about splitting. He doesn't have friends and only has a small family. I felt guilty but ultimately I realised that I am not responsible for him or his life and happiness and if he wants friends he needs to make an effort. It's always a problem when a person makes their partner/and or kids their only thing in life.

You are doing the right thing.

NeonK Sat 08-Aug-20 23:25:57

This was me. Ex-h had no social life outside me, my family and occasionally my friends husband. But ultimately I couldn't be responsible for someone else's happiness and resilience, when they didn't want to do it themselves.

Yes I felt guilty and it was a long six months before he moved out but 4 years on I've never regretted it for a minute. We're all happier for it. You will be too.

NeonK Sat 08-Aug-20 23:27:31

Just realised I used almost the exact same words at @OhYeahYouSuck which probably means this is more common than you think.

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