How do I get over a broken heart?

[Vannay]

I met a guy and we started dating, we had been dating for two months and things were going great. I didn’t tell any of my friends about him because I didn’t want to get too excited and jinx it, he was talking about marrying me someday and even told me he loved me on the first date. He was so romantic and lovely, we didn’t have sex because I was scared of getting hurt then finally we did even though my gut told me to wait a bit longer (but I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t interested). Anyways I ask if we can swap instagrams/social media and he’s being a bit weird about it, he finally does and I see a woman commenting kisses and hearts underneath his page and commenting bae. I go on her page and she is praising him for what a wonderful husband he is and tagging him in a pic of them two together and has in her bio saying mama of two and wife of (the guy with his name tagged). I confront him and he denys it, unfollows me on insta and deletes his Instagram and he promises me I got it all wrong and we go back and forth for ages and he lies about everything and even trips up his own lies. He refuses to go back on insta to prove I’m getting the wrong end of the stick then he just leaves and makes me feel like I’m accusing him and I’m wrong and making him look like a cheat saying he was never married and she’s confused and blah blah blah. Anyways I’m left here now crying my eyes out broken hearted over this guy that I gave my body to who I really thought loved me. And now he won’t answer his calls and I feel so empty inside. I can’t even ask the woman if she is married to him as I deleted her insta and forgot what it’s called. I’m just so hurt and don’t know where to go from here :(

[CrypticQueen]

Make a list of why breaking up is A Good Thing. There’s a few reasons to get you started in your post. You dodged a bullet - every day will feel easier than the previous. You’ll be fine in time.

[Improvementsunderway]

Aww love... I don't want to ask how old you are but I presume you're young.. These things suck, but you will be OK. It was still early days and what u felt was more likely to be infatuation (and what you wanted it to be in your head?) Rather than falling in love with the right one. I'd look for the wife and let her know (if you can find her that is) . but that wanker is not the man of your dreams; he is none of the things you envisioned from and with him. Its so dissapointing and hurtful but its better to know. Forget about that twat. You are worth so much more. Don't even contact him ever again. You will heal; you will find that is truly amazing

[amiascrazyastheysay]

@Vannay it sounds like you dodged a lying cheating bullet who love bombed you. Who says I love you on the first date? None of it was real. Honestly you're a million times better off without this one. Download tinder again and get back out there.

[Vannay]

@Improvementsunderway I’m 24 and thanks, I don’t date much cause I don’t trust many people and now I know why. Every guy I’ve ever dated has always lied to me and cheated on me and he knew this and promised me he was different and “couldn’t believe how a guy could treat such a beautiful girl like that” so it just sucks I feel so embarrassed but hey I’ll get over it :(

[Mermaidwaves]

It must feel awful OP. He love bombed you by saying he loved you on the first date, any man who tells you this is not genuine. He is also a twat for saying that his wife is "confused". I'm sure she remembers her wedding day well! Its highly unlikely that shes making up being married with children to him. It hurts like hell but be glad you're not his wife who probably has no idea hes messing around on her. Seriously some men are so awful

[Cuddling57]

Crikey!
Pick yourself up, hold your chin up high and shoulders back. Learn your lessons and move on. You deserve so much better!

[Vannay]

@Mermaidwaves thanks. :( this has happened to me before I have been cheated on and I told him about this and he promised he was different only to go round and do the exact same thing that my ex did to me. Hurts like hell but I’ll try and get over it :( x

[Vannay]

@amiascrazyastheysay never downloaded tinder but I heard a lot of horror stories from it. Don’t think I’ll bother I’ve been hurt so much I’ll just be single for a while (or maybe forever lol) :(

[itsureis]

He's a little stupid to give you his insta if he is married don't you think ?? But then why the comments about his being an "amazing husband" ??
Very weird and very confusing for you. You must have so many questions for him but you'll never get a straight answer so try and let it go.
You will find someone who's worthy of you but take some time to forget him x

[Mermaidwaves]

@Vannay I sympathise I really do. My exH cheated on me many times and you hope next time it will be different. you deserve better.

[Vannay]

@itsureis he doesn’t have any posts of her on his page and it was all pretty tame so I assumed that he didn’t have anything to hide but I don’t think he expected me to go through his comments on old posts and find her page (which wasn’t private) once he got caught out he tried to deny it till he couldn’t any more and rather than just be a man and admit he was lying he just left and I think he’s blocked me now which is even worse. I decided to investigate because I wasn’t sure I could trust him. None of his calls are going through they ring then nothing and he has no picture on WhatsApp anymore... ah well

[Improvementsunderway]

@vannay you shouldn't feel embarrassed at all: its part and parcel. You have a good heart and you chose to follow its feelings. You are not to blame. He is. He is a wanker. I just really want u to know. It will ge better to the point u dont care about it all at all. And u will learn some very valuable lessons from it. (U will still have fuck ups In the future; I do all the time) But u learn to deal. And u will get better at knowing what you want and what u dont. In this life, everything is a learning process. Allow urself to feel whatever u need to feel. Cry, be angry and then... Regroup. You've got this xxxx

[DianaT1969]

Don't tell men you have been cheated on. Try not to talk about past relationships. Be vague. It's hard to explain why, but you never want to portray yourself as a victim or someone who is targeted.

[wobblywinelover]

If you met him OLD he's probably got a double life, so many of them do. The love bombing and fakeness of it all is so devastating and I don't understand why so many of men do this, it saddens me that people in their twenties are going through it too, i'm in my forties and have encountered so many disordered men i've almost wondered how anyone manages to have a happy relationship these days, this is all i'm hearing about (not just from mumsnet) how many abusive untrustworthy men there are out there it's very worrying. I'd let it go, but most of all learn about narcissism, lovebombing, red flags and the cycle of abuse there's lots of information about it on the internet, you're not alone OP you'll get through this, no contact is the best way

[Vannay]

@DianaT1969 thanks for the advice I’ll take that on from now on! I should know better I feel so naive but now I know not to tell guys anything about my life

[Vannay]

@wobblywinelover thank you so much yes it’s nice to hear other people who know what it’s like, dating now is like rummaging in trash for leftovers :( honestly it hurts so much and I feel like guys like him prey on innocent victims like me it sucks. I will try to move on xx

[Belle1983]

@Vannay I'm so sorry your going through this.
I've had a similar experience from the other side. My (now ex) husband was seeing someone else. When I found out abs spoke to her, she had been told I was a crazy ex wife just jealous because she was his first GF since we split.

Basically what I'm saying is they will tell people anything to cover themselves and get what they want.

None of this is your fault. You shouldn't feel embarrassed or anything like that.
Just accept your emotions as they are. Don't try to hide them or bottle them up. You need to be kind to yourself and in time you will heal.
A broken heart is devastating,but you will feel better in time. It just doesn't feel like it right now.

Even though you didn't tell your friends, can you confide in someone now?
The support of a friend and a shoulder to cry on can work wonders.

Take care of yourself. You deserve so much more x

[backseatcookers]

@DianaT1969

Don't tell men you have been cheated on. Try not to talk about past relationships. Be vague. It's hard to explain why, but you never want to portray yourself as a victim or someone who is targeted.

Absolutely this and also if you have healthy boundaries in place, someone telling you they love you on a first date should be a huge, huge red flag. Poor you, it's rubbish when this kind of thing happens but be glad you found out early on and that you didn't fall for his excuses.

[Krazynights34]

OP you are still very young!! I mean that you have SO much life to live. Not every guy is a complete cunt like this guy is. I’m hurling bricks at him for you (metaphorically of course).
Just think about his wife.
And his children.
Be proud you didn’t carry on with him knowing what he is.
You can find the right man

[Vannay]

@backseatcookers I should have known and left from the moment he told me he loved me on the first date I was just so happy I couldn’t believe it. I just wish I could warn his wife :( I completely forgot her instagram page and stupidly didn’t screenshot anything cause I was shocked I went and busted him straight away. And got too riled up. I wish I had not said anything and built up my evidence first

[Vannay]

@Krazynights34 that’s true. Thank you so much, I just wish I could have warned his wife he’s such a scum bag

[Giraffey1]

Sorry you have had bad experiences but not all men are like this. I would ad use you though, that any man who tells you he loves you on the first date shouldn’t make it to the second.

You will get over it, I promise. Maybe give yourself a break from dating for a bit and regain your equilibrium!

[Closetbeanmuncher]

from the moment he told me he loved me on the first date I was just so happy

This should be a massive red flag to you, I don't really understand how it wasn't??

[Vannay]

@Closetbeanmuncher I know, I was stupid and naive I feel so dumb now looking back

[JeSuisPoulet]

Don't beat yourself up - just learn from it and you'll see the red flags in all their glory next time! Some men are like dogs on heat sometimes; all common sense goes out of the window and they would promise the world for what they want. It's hard to trust when you see so many of them around but there are some good ones if you can stomach the searching. I'd do lots of coffee dates rather than evening ones; IME you can tell what they are after if they refuse to meet in the day and insist on having alcohol...