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What would you do - historic grooming

(7 Posts)
EveryEdenhasaserpent Sat 08-Aug-20 21:49:06

Hi there
I’ve never posted on here before but have read for a long time and feel like I might be able to get some sound advice. Apologies if this is upsetting for anyone else.
I can’t talk to anyone about this in real life due to the catastrophic fallout that will follow.
My husband is aware but it’s becoming increasingly inappropriate to talk to him about this as he feels I should be involving the police in this matter.
In a nutshell, when I had just turned 14 I was groomed by a close family friend into having what I thought naively was a relationship where when I was old enough we’d ride off into the sunset. He was 17 years older than me and had a lot of unsupervised access to me as due to other factors had a sort-of guardian role to me. I won’t go into too much detail as it makes me sick to my stomach. I’d had a very sheltered life up until this point and he was the first kiss and everything else, which he was aware of.
This was 20 years ago now, and I’m happily married with my own children. I can’t shake it off however, and can’t believe my teenage years were stolen from me in this way. The situation continued in secret until I was nearly 18 and he actually married someone else. I’m not sure what I’m expecting anyone to say but I need to deal with this in some way as I have so many un processed emotions.
I did confront him as an adult later but he (pretended I’m sure) to take his own life and was ‘broken’ declaring that he was in love with me and he hated himself etc etc.
Are there any charities who can help me with this? I can’t afford counselling but really would benefit from some.
I go on and off the legal action because although I feel it’s warranted I don’t think I can put myself through it, and certainly not my mum who was struggling so much in an abusive relationship at this time (hence the situation presenting itself). I couldn’t ever tell her. Please help!

OP’s posts: |
SoulofanAggron Sat 08-Aug-20 21:57:27

You could contact your local Rape Crisis or other local services that you could find via google. They will offer counselling although there might be a waiting list.

You could also speak to your GP and he could put you on the NHS list, and also help with any depression or anxiety/PTSD you're having as a result

I'm not earning and won't be able to for life probably, due to various conditions/issues. I had therapy using my disability money. For a while it was almost all I spent money on other than bills and taxis really- I prioritized it. It's worth it if you can somehow manage to do it- would recommend.

Crazyprojectparent Sat 08-Aug-20 22:01:48

I am so sorry to hear what you went through. flowers

Try the national association for people abused in childhood ( They have a helpline and some good booklets for survivors.

Dontbeme Sat 08-Aug-20 22:15:28 have a free phone counseling service that covers Ireland and the UK

I am sorry that you are hurting and I wish you well whatever you decide to do.

Sssloou Sat 08-Aug-20 22:53:46

I am really sorry that this happened to you. There are many low cost counselling services funded by charities with means based fees set. Where I work some clients are play £5 / session.

Aknifewith16blades Sat 08-Aug-20 23:03:57


I wouldn't go to the police without first having some counselling.

EveryEdenhasaserpent Sat 08-Aug-20 23:40:39

Thank you so much for replying. That is what I thought re: police etc. I suppose it's just the first thing that comes to mind when someone else labels it. I'll look into these, hadn't really thought about doing much as I've always sort of accepted it but would like to put it to bed once and for all. Thank you

OP’s posts: |

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