We've been together almost a year. I wanted to be sure it was serious etc and we've had a few wobbles and stuff we are working on. But now I wonder if I've left it really late...
My kids are 4 and 7. My partner has no kids, so has no experience of this side of my life. I'm worried it will all fall apart once we start getting the kids involved and it breaks my heart.
I made a comment the other day after we'd spent a lovely weekend together about 'going back to real life' and it upset him, as in he felt like I was saying he wasn't my real life and I wasn't serious about him. It's not that at all. I love him. I'm being really, really selfish I know- but being with him has become my escape from 'Mum life'. When we're together it takes me back to a time before kids. Nice meals out, weekend trips away, staying up late, lazy Sunday lie ins... Obviously this is on weekends I don't have the kids so this could still continue, but I feel things will just change so much.
I have such conflicting feelings about it. I feel like such a shitty person. I love my kids and I love being with them. I love him and I love being with him. But I struggle with the idea of them coming together. I have made a point of keeping them so separate to protect my kids, but now feel maybe that was detrimental.
While I can picture us all being a family, as a fantasy in my head, I really have no idea how it would actually be. What if he realises he doesn't want/cant handle this part of my life? What if the kids don't warm to him? What if he doesn't like the 'Mum' side of me?! These things stress me out so much and I feel I really need to start getting some indication of whether this relationship is going somewhere or if I need to let go.
And how would he fit in the family full time further down the line? What would his role be? I feel like I wouldn't want to put any parenting responsibility on him. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable with him disciplining the kids etc. The way my ex husband acted and spoke to the kids has probably impacted how I feel about this. But I feel very protective over them and can imagine arguements if he didn't handle a situation in the way I would have. I feel I might be quite possessive over them being MY kids. But if he was living with us, surely there has to be some element of responsibility for them?
He is very keen to meet them and respects that it's my decision but after my stupid comment the other day I feel he's maybe getting to the point of either we're doing this or we're not. We have talked about things quite a lot and he does also want a child of his own. So I do feel there's a bit of time pressure to see if this can all work out before we start thinking about adding a baby to the mix.
I guess these are things I need to find out sooner rather than later. It'll be make or break. We can't just go on forever having a part time relationship around the kids. Do I just go for it and start taking baby steps..?
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Introducing your partner to the kids
13 replies
LLJ101 · 08/08/2020 14:08
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