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18 months in, where "should" we be?(7 Posts)
I know this is totally dependant on so many factors but just keen to know ppl's thoughts really.
Ive been with bf 18 months, in our thirties have a child each, were serious in the sense of talk about future etc, we have a key to each others place, do regular sleepovers with kids, met families etc etc but im wondering
Given age, the fact that were happy, what would you want at this point? For eg when would moving in marriage babies come into play?
Sometimes i feel its moving a bit slow, would like to know projections (lol) god i sound like a typical woman here... "where is this going"
But anyway, i know thats a convo for me and him, id just like to know what others would expect if it were them.
Personally I have no idea. My only long term relationship took 4 years to get to babies and then failed 2 years later 🤷♀️ I know people that were together 10 years before getting engaged and I know people who were together for just over a year before getting engaged. I also know of at least 2 couples who had a baby before they reached their one year anniversary... It really is subjective ime
"Where this is going" is subjective to everyone. If you want more, and want to know how your partner feels, you have to talk to him. If you can't talk to him or are afraid to, you already know there are serious problems in the relationship.
I'm not in your position and I'm a bit older... so it really depends on what you want.
They're are a few things to consider like do your children get on with each other?
Do you want to have kids together?
Let's turn it back around and ask you what you want from the relationship and where you think it should be? There's no point asking everyone else because they are not in your relationship OP.
I moved notoriously slow in my relationship with DH. I suppose we had the advantage of time, we were both young etc. But neither of us were in any rush whatsoever to move in together (took three years) get married (took eight years, we were engaged for five!) or have kids (took eleven years!)
At 18 months in, he had just met my DC. I had a key to his place, he didnt have one for mine.
Moved in together after 3.5 years. Now 5 years in, not engaged or married and no plans for DC together.
There is no "should", there is only what he wants and what you want and how those meet in the middle.
I'd caution you to remember that it's not a race. It's about being happy and peaceful together.
If you both have children and marriages behind you then you may need to proceed more slowly as joining children and finances is much riskier.
I would also wait 2 years as this seems to be a period of time when real behaviour/red flags appear.
I think 30s can make women rush relationships because of the biological clock. Blending a family will definitely take longer than a pre children relationship.
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