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Is his behaviour towards sex normal

(116 Posts)
Ocean23 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:32:47

Hey I have already posted another thread about my current struggles so I’m sorry to start a new one. I’m just trying to process and understand MY issues with HIM and whether they are justified or whether I’m being a bitch basically. Just to start he has a way higher sex drive than me,,it has come to a point I have ZERO interest in it.
I feel like he his a little weird when it comes to sex or anything sex related eg my body.
Some of the issues I have, and I’ve told him, but he keeps doing it and huffing and puffing saying it’s cos he loves me and he wishes I would show him attention like this, so whenever I’m in the shower, changing, or anytime there is a chance of seeing a boob or vagina etc he is there...and I mean there. Like bending over to get the best view, he has to touch me when I’m in the shower EVERYTIME! I suppose the bending over to get a glimpse of down below is my worst issue I hate it, I feel like this is not normal behaviour! I find myself finding an opportunity to get changed etc as quick as I can before he realised just so I’m not being stared at. He is constantly making sexual comments all day every day and he gets annoyed at me when I don’t find it funny, especially when the kids are there, they are too young to understand but there will come a point they know what he’s meaning. He gets annoyed when my period arrives. He tells me when we’re having sex, for example I was called into work the other night and he got annoyed because he had planned that this night we were having so he informed me that it will have to be tomorrow then! I’ve found porn etc on his phone numerous times, him and the lads from work have a WhatsApp sharing picture of girls from the internet etc but I’ve got to a point I don’t even care about that anymore, I saw he was following some glamour models on Twitter a few years ago and it really upset me as I’m quite self conscious and he was really apologetic and said he’s unfollowed them. But there’s more on there now,,,again that don’t really bother me more the fact if it was the other way round I would know about it!! He’s constantly accusing me of cheating, I can’t like a male song on the radio because that means I fancy him, he says it in a joking way but he goes on and on....
when we do have sex, I can’t stand it. I don’t enjoy it, basically it’s lay on your back for a few pumps, turn onto your back for a few pumps, different position few pumps etc with a lot of fingers in between and really looking at me down there, I tell
Him I don’t like it as I feel like I’m being examined but it never changes. Another issue is I feel he takes advantage when I’ve had a lot to drink, on one occasion I had been spiked and luckily I was with my sister in law who managed to get me home she said I couldn’t walk or talk (I totally blacked out) but remember flashes when I got home. I was being sick in the bath...obviously I didn’t know what I was doing. But then he came in and must have initiated sex because I remember little bits, including anal which he knows I hate. I woke up in the morning with the sick still in the bath feeling like I was literally dying! Another time when I had a sickness bug but because he hadn’t had it for about a week at this point he guilt tripped me into it even though I was throwing up all day. Recently he had been out with his friends and came home really drunk, we had words in bed about things and then I pretended to go to sleep because I couldn’t face arguing at stupid o clock in the morning. He thought I was asleep and he tried to put his hands down my pants and put his fingers in me,,I pushed him away. There’s probably more but I just think is it me being horrible or is this normal. What would you do in my shoes. TIA x

OP’s posts: |
Marmite27 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:35:17

You are being abused. Please seek help to leave this man.

The ‘looking’ would be enough for me, but coupled with the rest it’s terrible. Sorry OP.

JulyBreeze Thu 06-Aug-20 18:35:51

Ring Women's Aid, this is sexual abuse I'm afraid.

Marmite27 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:36:33

To clarify the ‘looking’ would be enough to push me to leave. None of what you’ve posted is normal flowers

GoldenZigZag Thu 06-Aug-20 18:36:44

I would go to the Police. He should be in prison.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:37:33

I would kick him out and report him to the police for rape. There aren't enough words to describe how vile and disgusting this man is, and he needs to go NOW. Nothing about this is normal. He is an abusive, coercive predator.

AvoidingRealHumans Thu 06-Aug-20 18:38:09

In your shoes I would run for the hills.

It sounds like he sees you as a sexual object and not his partner.
He has no right to your body and this is most definitely sexual abuse.
You've spoken to him and expressed your concerns and he hasn't changed.
He chose to rape you when you were ill being sick in the bath rather than take care of you and make sure you were ok.

None of this is your fault.
I would definitely be making plans to leave or for him to leave.
I hope you're ok

RogueV Thu 06-Aug-20 18:38:32

This is horrendous. I winced at your post. It’s abuse!

ChaBishkoot Thu 06-Aug-20 18:39:50

Go to the police. Taking advantage of you when your drink was spiked qualifies as rape. The rest of it is deeply abusive.

LongPauseNoReply Thu 06-Aug-20 18:40:12

This not normal at all. He sounds like a sex pest and having sex with you when you’re too drunk to consent is rape. Please seriously consider leaving him.

DH will occasionally squeeze a boob but I never ever feel uncomfortable or taken advantage of and I squeeze his bum when the opportunity presents itself. What you are describing is assault!

fairgame84 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:41:16

This is awful. It is not normal.
He has zero respect for you, he treats you like a piece of meat that is there just for his pleasure.
Disgusting man.

Namechange8471 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:41:23

I’m so sorry op but this man has raped you.

You are so much more than just a piece of meat, please find a way out.

Summerhillsquare Thu 06-Aug-20 18:41:41

He's a vile pervert at best. Not normal at all.

SoulofanAggron Thu 06-Aug-20 18:42:55

Absolutely not normal, you know it. Have you had many other boyfriends in the past? I know a lot of men are awful about sex, but I like to think you might've had one/some who you can look back at and think whatever the reason you split up, they weren't disgusting and violating.

The crouching down and staring up at your vagina sounds particularly repulsive. That and the actual rapes and sexual assaults of course.

You don't have to live this way- you can be single and you'd be free of all this pressure, degrading treatment and violation. No having to have sex when you don't want it. Or you can find a decent guy if that's what you want- bin any if they show any signs of disgustingness.

Please find a way to leave ASAP flowers

DisappearingGirl Thu 06-Aug-20 18:43:35

No brilliant advice but didn't want to read and run ... all of that is absolutely awful, and any one bit of it on its own would be awful. Please don't put up with this and please find a way to leave.

Mintychoc1 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:43:58

Jesus he sounds vile, you need to leave.

Flower8 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:44:42

Hmm some of this i guess would depend on your own personal boundaries, myself and my partner will ofter have a bit of an oggle at each other when naked or in the bath, followed by a bit of a wink ect but that's because we're BOTH comfortable with that.

However the rest i would say is just not ok, no one can tell you when you're having sex. The whole cheating thing would piss me off, it's very possessive.

The sex when sick again is just not ok, he should be looking after you not making you have sex.

Oh and law wise, if you're too incoherent to consent to sex it's rape. Therefore i would really consider if this man is who you want to continue a relationship with.

CodenameVillanelle Thu 06-Aug-20 18:46:57

Sexual abuse, coercion and rape. I'm so sorry

DianaT1969 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:47:05

Who is he? You don't say. A boyfriend, your husband? I could ask if you married him was he always like this, but there's no point. Split up with him. Terrible.

sadpapercourtesan Thu 06-Aug-20 18:47:06

This guy is dangerous. He raped you, while you were quite seriously unwell. I think he would be capable of worse.

My heart absolutely goes out to you, it must be miserable living with him even when he's just being his everyday self - a sleazy, selfish weirdo. But I feel genuinely scared for you knowing that he's a rapist as well.

What would I do in your shoes? I know it's easy for me to type, but I would get the hell out of there. Now.

CorianderLord Thu 06-Aug-20 18:48:33

Jesus. You realise he raped you?

DP and I might occasionally have a glance at a bum or a hip squeeze or something but no leering, grabbing, examining.

Good god, he sounds like a pervert

itsureis Thu 06-Aug-20 18:49:40

I also winced when reading your post ...

He sounds totally horrible and I cannot understand why anyone would stay with someone like this ?

pinkyredrose Thu 06-Aug-20 18:50:04

He's disgusting. Please get rid. What's your housing situation, in your name, joint etc?

Tappering Thu 06-Aug-20 18:50:12

He's a rapist. Forcing you into sex when you are ill or drunk or asleep, is rape.

Call the police, and leave him.

Parky04 Thu 06-Aug-20 18:52:53

He is a vile piece of shit. Don't say it often but LTB now!

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