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I just don't know what to do for the best

(11 Posts)
badgerread Thu 06-Aug-20 16:46:59

I'm 50 next year, two DS (16 and 11) divorced but been with DP 8 years, we don't live together, he also has two DS (17 and 15). We have talked about moving in together a number of times but because of various factors (mainly me terrified of losing my independence) it's never happened.

He is kind, trustworthy, loves me, brilliant with my boys, supportive, we talk a lot, he's the first person I would go to for advice, gets on great with my friends and family, basically my best friend. Negatives are, bit of a Disney Dad, issues with ExW and a bit tight.

My problem is I've gone off any sort of sexual activity with him. Anything. We are affectionate and touchy feely, but that's it. I find the thought of kissing or sex with him just awful and I don't know how it's happened? it was good up until around 4 years ago when I just went off it? I've tried supplements, counselling, everything. It's not fair on him, he's been so patient and understanding and I feel like a cow. I can't just 'do it for the sake of it'. It's not as if I've gone off sex but just sex with him?

My question is can it come back? should I leave and let him find someone else? I just don't know what to do....

OP’s posts: |
hellsbellsmelons Thu 06-Aug-20 17:18:41

Once the 'ick' hits, it rarely comes back.
I think you need to 'free' him of this.
Let him find someone else who does want him sexually.
And then move on with your life.

Oopsiedaisyy Thu 06-Aug-20 17:24:53

Can't come back from the Ick

LongPauseNoReply Thu 06-Aug-20 17:30:03

Once the ick strikes that’s it OP. Time to move on.

nearly50andstillhavenoidea Thu 06-Aug-20 17:31:24

Oh Gawwwd, I thought that might be the case....

rvby Thu 06-Aug-20 17:36:36

A man who is tight has to be the least attractive thing in the world.

Men with high testosterone tend to be generous... fwiw. From my side, nothing makes my undercarriage slam shut quite like a man who is stingy.

It does sound like the ick. Not sure if theres a way back but counselling (individually, for you) would probably be best.

BloomingGoodTea Thu 06-Aug-20 17:39:24

If you’ve just gone off sex with him the that’s the end. Move on. Are you menopausal by any chance?

BloomingGoodTea Thu 06-Aug-20 17:40:07

What is ‘ick’ btw?? 🤔

hellsbellsmelons Thu 06-Aug-20 17:57:57

“'The ick' is a newly-coined term that applies to the sudden onset of the feeling that a person to whom one was previously attracted is suddenly unattractive to the point where physical contact seems revolting,”

nearly50andstillhavenoidea Thu 06-Aug-20 18:01:42

blooming peri maybe but not full on menopausal no, still get regular periods..

BloomingGoodTea Thu 06-Aug-20 19:43:58

Ahhh ok

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