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Is this manipulation?

(7 Posts)
daddysgirlconfused Thu 06-Aug-20 11:05:27

Please help. Last year my daughter who is 13 was physically and emotionally abused by her father. He has denied this happened but she hasn't seen him since or had any contact with him by phone.
This morning she wanted to speak with him to tell him what she thought about him. He has told her that he's got a holiday booked and wants her to go with him and his family, has bought her lots of new things for her bedroom, has said he will take her shopping for whatever she wants, had told about all the fun things he has been doing knowing very well that we have been shielding and unable to go any where.
She is now totally thrown and her behaviour has been very volatile since, shouting, screaming, hitting her brother (different dad) and visibly anxious and upset.

The incident came after years of emotional abuse and I'm very worried it will happen again if she sees him.

This is already going through court and they have been useless so far saying she should still see him.

What can I do?

OP’s posts: |
Hazelnutlatteplease Thu 06-Aug-20 11:11:52

Not let her call him in the first place. Seriously what else did you expect

As things stand hang on tight and hold on for the ride. You can't stop her going because then you will be the bad one. You can discuss how emotionally controlling people offer what they think you want to get what they want then revert to type and is she prepared for that. You can also tell her that going now undermine her ability to enforce her own boundaries at court.

But i suspect she knew that which is why she made the contact cos she isn't ready to be seperate for her dad yet regardless of whether its in her best interests or not

daddysgirlconfused Thu 06-Aug-20 11:25:23

Court have said they are to have calls.

OP’s posts: |
Hazelnutlatteplease Thu 06-Aug-20 11:34:22

Thing is shes going to need guidance on the content of the calls.

This morning she wanted to speak with him to tell him what she thought about him

This would have set all sorts of alarm bells off for me. Before the the call id be looking to talk to her about whether her expectations of the call are realistic. What shes looking to achieve and then whether he is able to deliver/match that expectation. Whether what she wants is likely to end up in the results she whats. At that point she can decide if its still worthwhile making the call. You can ask the questions its up to her to provide the answers

It's been 4-5years since DD saw her "D"d we still have to redo this process every now and then. What she hopes is going to happen is never going to. The reality is more pain and heartache

daddysgirlconfused Thu 06-Aug-20 11:37:58

Thank you. She discussed this with cafcass before calling and they okayed it. I didn't want her to call but have to play the game to please the court.

OP’s posts: |
Hazelnutlatteplease Thu 06-Aug-20 11:46:18

Cafcass want her to want to continue the relationship because if she wants to shes clearly not afraid of him and they can blame it on you. It also absents them from responsibility when it goes belly up

Some talk about motivation and how different people will have different motivation and therefore will present things in ways that might not necessarily be in her best interests, might not go amiss

daddysgirlconfused Thu 06-Aug-20 12:49:03

Cafcass don't believe there is a risk to the dc. They don't even believe there is abuse. It's all so pointless. Trying to help them has had me accused of emotionally influencing them. I can't do this anymore. Life is pointless. He will always get his way and always hurt people.

OP’s posts: |

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