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Would this drive you mad or am I being too sensitive?

(5 Posts)
sunflowertulips Thu 06-Aug-20 10:06:05

I've met a new man and he ticks lots of boxes after my long and horrendous marriage.
However..... one thing that really irritates me is his need for "bigging" himself up. For example, I spoke about house prices in Sydney (a friend lives there) and he said "yes, yes, I know. I have loads of friends who live there".
Another time we spoke about an author of a book and he said "yes, I met him once". I then caught him out and he said "whoops, I was thinking about the wrong person".
I tested him with a random comment one day which was a book about a minor celeb and I commented on what a nice house the celeb lived in. His comment "yes, I know where he lives".

He had a dreadful upbringing and was abused by his mother so do you think his need to always be "in the know" or "correct" is linked to this?

OP’s posts: |
Craftycorvid Thu 06-Aug-20 10:16:34

He is clearly very insecure to need to ‘big himself up’. Whether this is more than an irritating but harmless habit of speech is the question. He had an abusive childhood, that does a lot of damage. You’ve just come out of a bad marriage. I’d suggest taking things slowly and carefully. If you feel he wouldn’t retreat/get defensive/ feel shamed (shame is huge when people have had abuse in childhood) you could gently point out that he says certain things in a pattern and you’d like him to know he doesn’t need to do this if it’s to impress you.

sunflowertulips Thu 06-Aug-20 10:38:46

Thank you Crafty Covid. Some very valid points there.

OP’s posts: |
TheBlueStocking Thu 06-Aug-20 10:46:13

Yes, it would annoy me. I've dealt with something similar in the past, actually. Boasting and also making every conversation about them. So I'd say something and then this person would instantly jump in with a 'better' story and the next thing, the whole conversation about them.

They did get quite defensive when I mentioned it. But it did improve.

Is your partner an only child?

thesunwillout Thu 06-Aug-20 11:36:05

It's deep insecurity, but if you've found yourself trying to set him up I think you're on the road to nowhere.

It would drive me mad.

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