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Husband no longer loves me / will this ever get easier

(68 Posts)
Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 07:08:28

My husband left 2 weeks ago today...
he had been very cold and distant for a few weeks but I put it down to stress.
I was helping his mum out before he left and she kept dropping hints such as
“He never happy”
“Your friend went through heartbreak and got through it”
“It’s such a good job we don’t know what’s happening next in life”
I thought I was going crazy 🥺
So I called him at work a few hours later to ask if things were ok, for him to say “I’m not happy, I can’t do this anymore”
I feel so heartbroken, it’s just deeply upsetting and I cannot stop thinking.. “what could I have done differently” 🥺

I’m 28 and feel like my world is over!

Is there any positive stories?

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Normalmumandwife Thu 06-Aug-20 07:36:06

@Smith14590

So he was normal up to a few weeks ago?

I suggest you read up on"The Script" and then wait for the OW to emerge at some point...might take some time but she will be there

Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 07:41:21

Not normal, distant but I put it down to work stress!

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Babynumber2dueNov Thu 06-Aug-20 20:21:17

Bump

Babynumber2dueNov Thu 06-Aug-20 20:22:57

Just bumped as I feel more lovely ladies should be there for you rn. You need to discuss what’s wrong and move from there. Tbh it does scream OW, but then I don’t know your DH, maybe his MH is suffering? I’m just so sorry you’re going through this. You’re so young, you have a whole life time of happiness ahead of you, with or without him x

spacepoppers Thu 06-Aug-20 20:25:19

Agree with PP, read 'the script' and brace yourself. I'm sorry you're going through this. At 28 years old you have plenty of time to start again, although I'm sure it doesn't feel like it right now. Stay dignified, and get your ducks in a row.

Emancipated Thu 06-Aug-20 20:27:35

Oh crikey, what a shock for you. Have you got a rl network of people you can lean on?

It will he better. Time is a healer and thank goodness he’s shown his true colours now. You are 28, you have plenty of time to rebuild a better happier future for yourself.

Babynumber2dueNov Thu 06-Aug-20 20:28:28

Have you seen this post? Might give you a little hope www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3987656-Two-years-on-since-divorce-at-28-update-post

melmos Thu 06-Aug-20 20:29:48

I am so sorry op. It does sound like there is ow. Its scarily predictable but happened to me twice. I would speak to solicitor. Also when this happened to me both times I thought my world was ending and even contemplating suicide. I dont even really think about them now have a lovely partner who treats me with respect and I cant believe how upset I was. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I would delete them from social media and maybe get your friends and family to stay with you the next couple of weeks xxx

Mumoftwo12345 Thu 06-Aug-20 20:32:09

Your heart is breaking and I'm so sorry thanks
Nearly 6 years ago I was there too. It hurts for a while I'm not going to lie, you may find out things that offer an explanation of sorts then you might want to know more and more but it doesn't help.
Best advice, surround yourself with one or two loved ones, family or friends. Allow yourself to mourn and invest time in yourself. Exercise and eat as well as you can. I discovering running at this point and it got me through.
I'm 5 years post divorce, engaged and have a happy life with someone else. You'll come out smiling the other end, promise.

Fairycake2 Thu 06-Aug-20 21:27:30

It does get easier OP. I'm 9 months down the line from my DH walking out completely out of the blue and although I'm still sad about getting divorced, I don't miss him. There is now OW but I don't know how long she's been around for. Wouldn't be surprised if there was an ovelap as he suddenly seemed to change from being madly in love with me to telling me he no longer was. I leaned on friends and family and used MN as support. Writing down all his bad points and all the good bits about being single helped and trying to do something positive every day, even if it was just watching a funny film. You will get through this 💐

Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 21:56:45

Thank you.
Yeh it’s so hard to fully understand it? He left me 18 months previous but then begged to
Come home 3 month later; I let him because I wanted the marriage to work, it’s all I’ve ever wanted x

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Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 21:58:05

Thank you - its really re assuring to hear that people have been thorough this and come out the other end x

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Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 21:58:45

@spacepoppers what is the script please x

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Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 21:59:32

@Fairycake2 thank you. It’s really re assuring to hear someone has been through this and got through the other end as at the moment I don’t feel I’ll get through it x

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Lacey2019 Thu 06-Aug-20 22:00:05

Could there be someone else?

Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 22:00:45

@Mumoftwo12345

Thank you for your reply. Was there any steps you took to be able to get Over it? I feel like I’ll be alone forever.

He wasn’t a. Bad person he just didn’t love me x

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Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 22:01:12

@Lacey2019

There was last time but I’d be suprised if there was this time x

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Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 22:02:14

@melmos

This is exactly how I’ve been feeling? I feel
Completely lost and that there is Jusy no way out at all 💔

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Sssloou Thu 06-Aug-20 22:05:11

So sorry to hear what you are going through.

What were his reasons last time?
Was there OW?

What ties do you have children/mortgage?
Has he cleared his stuff?

I would block his number and liaise only on email once a week re legal stuff.

Move forward with your own life. Keep busy and fill you time with nice people.

AllsortsofAwkward Thu 06-Aug-20 22:09:03

My friends ex did this twice and she took him back both times when he did it for the third time she was kicking herself for allowing him back a second time. Have you got dc.

Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 22:09:35

@Sssloou

He just said I don’t make him happy, he’d left before but we was going through a rough patch and I just thought it was maybe because of that, he then cheated and 3
Months later begged to
Come back
Which I let him as all
I wanted was for the marriage to
Work out.

Only mortgage no children

He took a car full, that’s it. X

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AllsortsofAwkward Thu 06-Aug-20 22:11:06

op youve got no dc with him and only 28. Left him go and carve a life out for yourselves. In time you'll meet someone else who wants to be with you.

Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 22:12:26

@AllsortsofAwkward

I hope so if just doesn’t feel like that at the moment x

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Smith14590 Thu 06-Aug-20 22:15:59

@Babynumber2dueNov

Thank you - I’m new to this so don’t realy know how it works d

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