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Obsessing over an ancient ex

(5 Posts)
fuggerduck Wed 05-Aug-20 22:04:42

I don't know if this will make sense to anyone or anyone will answer, but this is driving me mad and I have nobody to ask in real life.

A long-ago ex has suddenly reappeared on my radar through circumstances that I won't go into. I was very young and he was my first love. He was very unpleasant and nasty and he deeply affected me in every way, but we stayed together for nearly ten years. I've never really forgotten about him, but suddenly I'm thinking of him all the time.

The thing is, even though he was so awful to me, I'm sort of remembering it fondly. He was my first sexual experience, and it felt like a huge love affair at the time (although of course it wasn't - if anything it was horrible). I keep reliving these first experiences over in my head, particularly at certain times of the month when I feel more interested in sex. I'm embarrassed just writing that.

I'm married with three kids, I love my DH and I feel guilty for thinking like this. How can I get him out of my head? I don't think it's about him particularly - maybe just a yearning for a time when I felt desirable and not the mess I am now. I can't stress enough - this man was no great catch. Is this just a sign that I'm fed up with my life now?! How can I stop thinking of him?

OP’s posts: |
Dogssox Wed 05-Aug-20 22:58:47

I can relate to this and it most definitely was a sign that I was fed up in my life at that time.

Lisette1940 Wed 05-Aug-20 23:52:36

Don't feel embarrassed Fugger you're human. It could be partially due to the lockdown. I've been thinking of how my life might have been different had I taken a different route. Things seem so staid now and I feel a bit stuck. I'm trying to practice gratitude as part of mindfulness and it's helping. Be gentle with yourself.

fuggerduck Thu 06-Aug-20 11:47:36

Thank you for your kind replies. I wonder if I'm having some sort of mid-life crisis, because I just feel so down and pointless and this seems to be a symptom!

Mindfulness and gratitude sound like what I need too - thank you.

OP’s posts: |
seensome Thu 06-Aug-20 11:55:12

It's a fantasy trying to replace something missing in your love life when things have got a bit dull or are you lacking attention from your husband?

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