So sorry if this is on the wrong board. Im a long time member but have name changed as I'm so ashamed of myself for feeling like this.
I absolutely hate family life and I hate my husband. None of them have done anything wrong really, it's all me, and everything is amplified due to covid restrictions. If someone offered me a pill to take that would rewind my life by 20 years and I would take it in an instant and do everything in my life differently.
I have many things to feel lucky about. We are all in good health apart from me being fat. We have a loving family on both sides. My husband works and earns enough that I don't have to go to work!! I am so lucky and I do appreciate it.
But I'm so unhappy, and also lonely . I've been with my husband for 20 years since we were teenagers, so still only in our 30s now. We were together many years before we had children. Life had its ups and downs then but mostly OK. I really wanted children as it was the natural step.
Weve been parents for 10 years now and as much as I love my children it has been so hard and not what I expected (due to my son having sen) and my relationship with my husband doesn't really exist anymore.
We haven't had sex for 5 years. We sleep in in different rooms. We have polar opposite parenting styles so never agree. Every argument / disagreement we ever have is about the children. Most days.
We give our children a lovely life and they wouldnt be aware of my feelings or the problems with husband and I, as we put an act on with them thats everything's fine, but inside I'm crying and screaming.
We had many years of no sleep with the kids, then as my son grew he has had many problems with behaviour, and friendships, school, anger and anxiety. It is absolute hell to be honest. I hate our life. I hate what we have to deal with. And there is no end because he is going to be the same as an adult and he worries me sick.
Husband and I have completely grown apart and have nothing in common. I just want to be on my own!!
I know this current situation is not forever and everyone being stuck at home together is not helping. But every day I get up Dreading the day. Asking myself how did I end up in this life. Why did I make the choices I did.
I would never leave them and I will do everything in my power to give my children good lives and be their for them bit I have completely lost myself in the process. Can anyone relate or tell me it gets better? They are age 6 and 9
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Relationships
I hate family life!
Summer294756 · 05/08/2020 12:48
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