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Need support and objective advice

(8 Posts)
uniquein Wed 05-Aug-20 03:09:39

OK, so the subject line says it all, unfortunately.

I got in a huge fight with my fiancée last night and called off my engagement this evening.

He confessed to kissing another lady over the weekend on a night out with his friends.
He says it is nothing, swears all they did was kiss and profusely apologized and says it will never happen again.

I’m so angry and it flat out sucks, there is. I was to describe it. I told him he broke my heart; I love him. At first, I wanted to know who this other person, this whore, was but why should I care? My anger was misguided; I was angry at him not her.

My mind keeps on jumping to what is wrong with me and if I did something to make him do this or caused him to be unhappy to go do something like this?

It is just so messed up. I’m 23, 10 weeks pregnant with his baby and he does this? My dad wants to confront him and says he’s (ex-fiancée) lost his trust and he no longer supports us getting married even if we resolve this. His mother keeps on calling, crying, apologizing and begging me to forgive how him saying he is stupid.

I told him not to contract me and I need time to process. I have so many things going on in my head. Should I forgive this one transgression? How can I guarantee it won’t happen again? Do I forget what happens for the sake of our baby?

It hurts so much. Right now, my heart feels like it’s been ripped out. Don’t know how much I have cried over the last 24 hours; on top of it I feel so f***ing sick and nauseated.

I just need some hugs and support right now. I'm really confused, angry and lost. I
need help.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Wed 05-Aug-20 03:16:26

Kissing another woman is "nothing?" How convenient for him. He clearly wasn't thinking of you while snogging this woman, was he?

I'm very sorry this happened, op. This would spell the end for me. Move on and tell his meddling mother to fuck off and leave you alone.

username58 Wed 05-Aug-20 03:38:44

I don't know if I could forgive this, how will you know he won't do it again? I guess one good thing (if you can call it that) is that he told you, rather than you finding out through someone else. Sorry this happened to you OP sad

Hiddenmnetter Wed 05-Aug-20 03:44:31

It's callous and cruel to dismiss kissing another person as "nothing". I imagine he is saying that in an attempt to minimise what he feels he has done, because a) he's probably freaking that his whole life is about to collapse and b) he probably doesn't like the squirming feeling of guilt that is rising up in him.

I'm not saying that's good by the way- the minimising is the cowards way of dealing with it. I know my parents recovered from infidelity, so I know it is possible, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen while he thinks it's "nothing". Sorry you're in this situation it's shit.

MsDogLady Wed 05-Aug-20 03:57:29

He says it is nothing...

I am sorry, uniquein. He is downplaying his infidelity, but would likely go ballistic if you kissed another man.

He is not truly committed to you and your baby. He’s a bad bet, and a life with him would be filled with anxiety and uncertainty.

adayatthebeach Wed 05-Aug-20 03:59:34

Give it a lot of time. See how long he continues to pursue you and if he eventually really seems sincere in his behavior and regret his actions.. He’s obviously immature and not ready for marriage.

rvby Wed 05-Aug-20 04:00:31

Gosh op. I mean it's hardly a good start.

A kiss seems minor, but it is really intimate, isn't it. And you pregnant, I don't know, such a vulnerable time when you just want to be around people you trust and who will put you first.

When I was 23 I would have probably forgiven. And I will have regretted it.

Might be best to pack this one in my love. The awful truth is that if you forgive this sort of thing, you also kind of allow it, if you see what I mean. It just feels like guaranteed heartache.

I'm sorry this happened to you. His mum phoning you etc, it all sounds dramatic and childish on his part.

Rainydayss Wed 05-Aug-20 04:04:15

Tell him to self isolate for 2 weeks after putting you at risk too.
You don't need the stress and upset. Plus randomly kissing someone on a night out is something you do when you're 18, he sounds immature and you could do better.

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