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is my relationship over?

(12 Posts)
ruby7 Tue 02-Oct-07 10:19:59

just wanting a bit of advice - I am getting to the stage where I can't stand having sex. I'm on anti depressants which don't make it easier, but it's such a chore, I'm so tired at the end of the day, and my DP annoys me quite a lot.

Sometimes I can't remember why we got together. We can't go out together that much anymore (have to plan and get babysitter), and I don't know what we have to talk about really. I'm just a baby minder, although I work part time, and feel like I don't have an identity. I went away for the weekend this weekend and just dreaded coming home.

That's not good is it? Or is this normal and just a phase? What think you wise women?

queenrollo Tue 02-Oct-07 10:37:26

How long have you been together?

TimeForMe Tue 02-Oct-07 10:41:54

grin gosh! it really is a week for this isn't it! I wonder if it's the cold weather and the dark nights that's causing it grin

I don't think it's over, not if you don't want it to be, I think you could do with a bit of a shakeup, a new direction, something for you!

Marina Tue 02-Oct-07 10:44:00

How old is your child?

I hardly think there is a poster on here who has not felt like this at times, especially during the first year of their child's life

TimeForMe Tue 02-Oct-07 10:47:43

Four kids later I've just got the job sussed! grin

ruby7 Tue 02-Oct-07 10:57:56

My son is nearly 3. He's just been ill for a week and is going through that post-illness screaming and totally mental stage. Hideous.

My DP and I had a row during sex last night. It was just awful. How can you row during in sex?!?! But he was really critical and rough and I just hated it. Just want him to get off me. I know that's too much information, sorry ladies.

We've been together 7 years. Complete drama and heart break when we got together and BIG BIG passion. Now it's crap.

I know we should go out more, spend more time together etc, but I don't even have a second to myself, let alone to give up the tiny moments I do have to 'us' time. We don't have anything to talk about anyway.

My God, I look at all the young girls in my office wanting to find a partner and settle down and have babies, and I just think DON'T DO IT!!!!!! Stay single, in control, so you have time to sleep, to buy clothes, do your make up, keep your identity, be the master of your own destiny etc.

why are we all told throughout our lives that this is shangrila? This is shit!

TimeForMe Tue 02-Oct-07 11:04:22

Awh, I'm sorry you are having a roung time of it Ruby sad It's not all bad though is it?

It sounds like your little boy is just going through a normal phase, he is asserting himself as a little person, hard work and annoying yes! But all perfectly normal. Does he go to nursery or playgroup?

I think a lot of us have felt just the way you do but, you can't run away from it wink we have to find a way to make it work and work for us too!

I would say you maybe need to so some things just for you. You need some 'me' time.

ruby7 Tue 02-Oct-07 11:09:12

I know. My boy is a gorgeous delightful little honey. I know he'll come out of this phase.

And I'm sure my DP and I will get better again. It's just sooo hard and it's always in the spot light when you don't have your own life. I must somehow find some time to myself.

It's sometimes just very helpful to know that others aren't basking in bliss all the time. I don't want to sound ungrateful.

queenrollo Tue 02-Oct-07 11:10:32

You really need to find some me time........TimeforMe knows about me!!! but i've been where you are now....and i pulled out all the stops, got me time.....made arrangements to go out as a couple, sat down to talk about it. I've worked through all my feelings about this.....and came to the decision which has been right for me.

Please get outside help for yourself at first.......and get some calm and energy back for YOU.

I hope you can work through this and get your relationship back on track.....

TimeForMe Tue 02-Oct-07 11:21:57

You don't sound ungrateful, you just sound normal smile

It sounds daft but something as little as a walk after tea, on your own, while dp baths ds, would do you the world of good. Just getting out of the house on your own.

You need an interest. Something just for you, for you to focus on, to look forward to doing.
What would you really like to do? (besides run away from it all and start a new life without any ties grin)
What did/do you enjoy doing?

ruby7 Tue 02-Oct-07 12:20:16

It's hard as DP doesn't get back till 8ish in the week, then we have to cook (he and I share either bath or cooking), then I have an hour and then it's bedtime! And then he wants sex! ha ha ha ha ha

I like to sleep!!! I like going to the cinema. Apart from that I can't think of anything I'm interested in. But you're right. I need to do some kind of recreation somehow. It's funny - I had no idea that not having a balance in your life could make you so depressed.

TimeForMe Tue 02-Oct-07 12:25:02

Oh boy! It certainly can!

Even going to bed early,(very early sometimes)lovely bubble bath, nice clean sheets, clean pj's and a good book or magazine to read can make all the difference. No disturbances, just you and the peace and quiet! It's not much but it is me time smile

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