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Another failed OLD date - do i keep trying

(5 Posts)
Meagain204 Tue 04-Aug-20 21:30:46

Just a handhold needed and sorry for the moan.

Yet another failed OLD date. Objectively we had lots in common and there was a spark of attraction. It wasn’t perfect... I was quite nervous as had been in lockdown by myself for four months. Am going over the evening now thinking of all the things I might not have done right or things I might have said.

We kissed. I was interested to get to know him without any expectation. He texted that evening to see if I got home safe and had been texting intermittently since.

10 days later after two vague attempts by him to arrange something; first meet never materialised; second said I should come over to your part of town but didn’t firm up. Now he’s saying it again; I said yes but nothing further. My text is just hanging there... making me feel shit.

Sometimes I feel that I’ve said something wrong in my texts or that in an effort to be relaxed I come across as cold? I think the guy I went on a date with is slightly lacking in confidence but I don’t want to be too forward...I always think if they like you they will be clear.

Prior to this went on about 60 dates. Liked a handful: one turned out to be an alcoholic; another would conveniently and consistently forget his credit card; the final one was always clear he wanted to keep it casual. Lasted 8 months and when I texted during lockdown he hardly responded. A bit hurt but to be honest but he never lied about his intentions so...

I don’t want to be a man hater but I do kind of feel that all of them have been quite selfish. Lots of guys pressurising for sex or when it gets to the bit, turning out to be really ungenerous lovers.

Lots of guys who drink too much. Some have even tried to do drugs on a date. I don’t judge but come on!

Ugh! I feel like giving up and also like the problem must lie with me.

But I like dating in some ways and think that it’s good to keep doing it as if I leave it to just chance I’ll pin too much hope on that one person. Dating quite a bit seems to be healthier but I’m not sure my self esteem can take it anymore.

I like this guy... I don’t feel attracted to ppl very often and I just feel down now. So hard to meet ppl at the moment because of lockdown. Spirits were lifted momentarily by this but yet again, my hopes have been dashed.

So hard not to take it personally and to keep on going. I’ve been doing this for close on 20 years. OMG

Maybe I should swear off men.

OP’s posts: |
downwardspiral1 Tue 04-Aug-20 23:07:29

Genuinely why don’t you suggest where you should meet?

To me it sounds like he wants me to but is yes, a bit shy.

He wouldn’t have suggested something three times I don’t think if he didn’t mean it.

downwardspiral1 Tue 04-Aug-20 23:08:01

Not wants me to - wants to!!

Flower32 Tue 04-Aug-20 23:13:43

How long ago did you text him? Some people are slow to reply. I agree that there's alot of guys online who drink too much. It takes a while to find out as well sometimes. Maybe take a break from it for a month or so. I know how you feel I've been doing OLD on and off for years with not much success. It seems to be just luck sometimes.

madcatladyforever Wed 05-Aug-20 00:06:31

He's probably texting 3 or 4 other people as well and keeping his options open.
Stop being so nice and dump all of the shit ones.
If someone doesn't meet up with me soon without messing me about I do not bother with them.
I will not be messed about.

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