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Anyone else feel like nobody gives a damn about them?

(12 Posts)
Itsatoughgig Tue 04-Aug-20 21:16:23

Could really so with a virtual hand hold. A relative threw a curveball at me over the weekend. Told me something fairly major about a sibling and my in laws and then told me I’m not allowed to tell anyone that they told me. The thing is, It doesn’t just impact me but the dc too. I can’t even talk to my husband about it as my marriage is on the rocks and he’d just use it as further ammunition to attack me.

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Cado12 Wed 05-Aug-20 00:49:45

I couldn’t read & leave. I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time. Firstly, I think you have depression (like me). You must call your GP and tell them how you feel. This was my first sign that I needed help, I thought my husband didn’t really love me or would be better with someone else and that I was too fat to have friends etc...
Also had a relative confide a secret that I can’t reveal as it would tear our family apart. I’ve kept that secret but I have told a close friend (who doesn’t know my family) so I can at least talk about the ‘secret’ with someone.
May I ask why your marriage is on the rocks or is it far too personal?
I send you a virtual hug and hand hold.
I’ll be on here tomorrow if you reply and want to chat xx

Itsatoughgig Wed 05-Aug-20 09:30:13

@Cado12 thanks so much for responding. Not depression talking just dealing with the realities of an abusive marriage and being the family scapegoat. I do have friends but lockdown and restrictions have made me realise that I’ve not really got anyone close. It’s the harsh reality that I’ve not got anyone irl to turn to when things get tough. Everyone else is dealing with their own shit at the minute that even if I did have someone. I don’t think I’d want to burden them. I’ve spent too much of my life getting treated as an inconvenience to others

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loveyoutothemoon Wed 05-Aug-20 13:48:03

@Itsatoughgig I sympathise I really do. I'm in the same mindset as you at the moment. Bad memories of marriage and feel like I'm on my own.

I have friends (but nobody super close) but feel like they've got their own lives and don't want to hear what's going on with me, and some I don't want to burden.

I have teenagers that don't really want to do anything with me anymore, and I just feel lost in life right now.

We can vent together. Are you separating from your husband or going though a bad patch?

Feralkidsatthecampsite Wed 05-Aug-20 13:51:07

Is your dh also in the dark? If it impacts your I dc I would consider my loyalty to them and not the relative who gossiped and speak out.

Itsatoughgig Wed 05-Aug-20 14:05:02

@Feralkidsatthecampsite it impacts the dc but it’s not a safety concern so I’m not going to share it with dh. If there were any concerns over safety I wouldn’t stay quiet. It’s just family politics gone awol.
@loveyoutothemoon it’s more than a rough patch sadly, he’s not willing to acknowledge or change his behaviour. Everything is twisted so that I’m constantly the one that is in the wrong. It’s exhausting.
I don’t think I’m a horrible person but there is only so much you can cope with being everyone’s punching bag before it starts to take its toll and you begin to doubt yourself.

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loveyoutothemoon Wed 05-Aug-20 14:29:03

@Itsatoughgig I'm so sorry to hear that. He sounds just like my ex and I got exhausted from trying for so long.

I'm not surprised it's taking it's toll on you, sounds like you need to find yourself and find things to enjoy for yourself...

wobblywinelover Wed 05-Aug-20 18:51:55

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, understandably. Why not talk to us about it if you can't talk to anyone else? You could name change if you feel uncomfortable, at least you'd get it off your chest and get some support

Itsatoughgig Thu 06-Aug-20 09:02:10

@wobblywinelover it’s just the betrayal and lies that’s causing me to feel really hurt. There is another relative who lives overseas that I know is the family black sheep but I seem to have been tarnished with the same brush and I don’t know what I am supposed to have done.

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greysome Thu 06-Aug-20 10:10:58

Yep I feel the same. Feel like I spend a lot of time thinking about and doing things for other people, my family, and feel right now like it's been thrown back in my face and that no one actually has any respect for me at all.

Itsatoughgig Thu 06-Aug-20 20:16:09

@greysome I feel as if I could have written your post. I’m sorry you are having such a tough time of things too.

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Itsatoughgig Fri 07-Aug-20 18:59:17

Really feeling as if I’m well at truly on my own with everything at present. I’m just over the constant lack of respect from DH and in turn the Dc. A sibling even had a “go” at me over something I’d done to help one of my parents.

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