Seeking advice.

(11 Posts)
Thopeful Tue 04-Aug-20 20:02:08

Am here because am the end of my tether.
I need sincere advice on how to rebuild trust .
Briefly last Aug I broke the trust of the love of my life. Not by having an affair or anything like that but simply by that old chestnut by hiding the truth.
We split up but she has since messaged me on a semi regular basis. However she rebuffed all my efforts to reconnect and resolve our issues.
Finally about 3 weeks ago we started to communicate via WhatsApp and have met a couple of times. But whilst she intimates that she wants to reconnect there is something always holding her back.
I have admitted to all my mistakes and have tried to reassure her that I will not make the mistakes that effect trust again. However nothing I can do or say seems to be right.
Is there anything I can do to let her see and accept how sorry I am .

OP’s posts: |
AranciaRosso Tue 04-Aug-20 23:01:28

Let her go. Put some decent space between you. Apart from anything else you can’t keep up these games forever.

Thopeful Wed 05-Aug-20 04:47:54

She and I are soulmates. We both admit this to each other even now when we try to look at our situation rationally.

OP’s posts: |
rvby Wed 05-Aug-20 04:50:49

"Soulmates" isn't a real thing.

Leave her alone, get a hobby and some therapy. It isnt meant to be this difficult and dramatic. Healthy relationships are not hard work, they just work and are easy. This ain't it.

londonscalling Wed 05-Aug-20 05:41:39

If she has got back in touch with you and you've met up then it sounds like she may want to get back together at some stage. Just take your friendship slowly and be open and honest. You may eventually win her trust back.

blackandwhite2020 Wed 05-Aug-20 06:16:43

This is a real toughie. You obviously care for eachother and love eachother but trust was broken.

Trust is based (for a rational and mature person) on experiences mainly, so if you can give her trusting experiences therafter and you are genuinely sorry then there may be a chance. If however she's not mature i.e realising we are all human and mistakes are made (also at this point it's fair to say I can't make a judgement about the mistakes as don't know what they are) then no matter what you do you won't be forgiven and won't be forgotten?


blackandwhite2020 Wed 05-Aug-20 06:19:13

I meant to add sorry, that if things can't move on then you can't have things being thrown back in your face etc or have weird barriers put up to stop you getting close. If you are both really commited, see a therapist, either one of you or both of you, get some healing and perspective to either move on seperately or together x


Sakurami Wed 05-Aug-20 08:33:14

What truth did you hide and why and how did she find out the truth? If you broke her trust you have to be patient until/if she can trust you again.

Thopeful Thu 06-Aug-20 18:00:31

Hidden truth. I was having financial problems and hid from her . They were serious but not insurmountable. Since our separation whilst i still have one debt, the actual level of debt has fallen dramatically and should be fully paid by the end of the year.
I realize that I should not have hidden the blunt truth.

OP’s posts: |
RLEOM Thu 06-Aug-20 18:07:09

"That old chestnut"? You're making it out as something small yet you split up over it. 😳 Maybe find someone else but no more giving old chestnuts.

RLEOM Thu 06-Aug-20 18:10:47

Apologies, I just read your last post.

Unfortunately, we base our futures on many factors, the truth and financial stability being two of them.

If it really was small and you've sorted yourself out financially, you might be able to work on rebuilding but she may have already judged you by the lies.

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