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help me get over my dreams please? im broken(9 Posts)
Before I type this I just want to say I know there’s always a chance that things will change etc etc. But I’ve got to the point now where hoping, wishing and dreaming for that family unit is tearing me apart. I want to erase the idea that it COULD happen...I’m 36 next month so looks ever less likely.
Please can people tell me how to live my life and give up this dream of mine? It is the dreaming and hoping that is destroying me. I’ve always wanted it but in the last year my life has felt paralysed by it...everything I think about is kids, meeting someone etc. And I have dated but I’m drained by it now and don’t take up second dates etc as all I am bothered about is a family and it always feels so unfamiliar meeting someone and being superficial over drinks for a date. I just can’t do it anymore.
I don’t want to want these things...I would do anything to wake up and think yep, I don’t want kids and don’t care about marriage. I would feel liberated.
How can I get to this point? I am so sad and feel grief for what i haven’t had and just want to write off the idea that I want it.
You need to talk to a professional.
Maybe controversial, but have you thought about having a baby alone? Not literally but I know women who've gone down the donor route. Maybe that would then take some of the pressure off meeting someone.
Yep I would start looking at freezing your eggs or going down a donor spent route.
Protect your options OP.. freeze your eggs asap... and please so not give up.. 36 isn't too late
What about fostering? This may lead you to make a decision whether in the future you want to adopt or get a sperm donor. I would also look into freezing your eggs.
I think everyone wants that dream and it always ends up happening but at different time’s in our lives so you don’t want to waste your life now waiting for that day.
I am a single parent, I had my DC when I was a teen and have never met anyone since to have that perfect family unit but I do think one day I will.
Out of a close group of 8 female friends I have 4 that are married and chose not to have children. 2 are single and have no children and 2 are, like me, single parents that never married but chose to raise the child alone. The girlfriends who are married and do not have children have incredible full, busy lives which are enriched with friends, family and other peoples children. The 2 who remained single without children got to that point due to not meeting anyone suitable. They had to come to terms with it through tears and talking. They are equally having having a great time with family, friends and other peoples children. Myself and the other girlfriend who had children and raised by ourselves never let this stop us having a full life too. Mine has moved out and gone on to her own life now and I am enjoying such a lovely time with friends and family. What I am trying to say is if you remain childless it will be ok...its something you may have to talk through and grieve through. If you freeze your eggs and try later, that's ok too....its hard work but can be done alone. Its your choice whether to give up and move on thinking you won't have the Cinderella story or you keep going. Just try to live the best life you can in the circumstances you find yourself in. I know that is easier said than done.
Your post is quite "black and white" - it seems that a massive amount of your energy has been spent on this dream, and that letting go is hard.
I wonder if it would be helpful to put that part of your life "on the back burner" and focus some energy on other elements of your life? You say that you are open to the chance that your "family" situation will change - it seems that it is the amount of energy you spend on it that is making you feel bad.
Have a look at this diagram (if it posts) and see if there might be another aspect of your life that can use the energy on?
Unfortunately, it is quite tricky to get to a deep relationship without first paddling in the shallows. I hear your frustration at this in relation to dating. I don't know if anyone can offer any advice on this.
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