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The ick, should I ride it out(122 Posts)
Been on a few dates with a new guy and would love some opinions. I don’t know if i should go with the flow or if I am starting to develop the Ick already.
Both 28 and I have been single a several months. He has never had a proper girlfriend- first red flag?!
First 2 dates were drinks and food, all lovely and I did fancy him.
Now it is 6 dates in, I am finding he is not as physically attractive as I first thought.
The more I get to know him the more I think he is too immature. Works in an office with bunch of other twenty somethings and they just piss about all day pulling pranks and firing nerf guns at each other. I have a very serious Job which requires professionalism. He has a ‘boy racer’ type sports car which is so low down to sit in/ rather uncomfortable but his attitude towards it is what pisses me off the most. It only really seats 2 people and he boasts that he bought it because it’s impractical as he can’t offer lifts to people, gets him out of running errands and if he bought it later in life it would be classed as a mid life crisis. I think it is a bad attitude to have and really quite selfish.
I like romantic gestures and after being in a toxic relationship previously want someone to care for me and show me/tell me this. He bought flowers for me which was lovely but the first night I stayed at his he put rose petals all over the room and lit candles in heart shapes which I thought was too much imo. That would be ideal for valentines or a special anniversary etc but really 6 dates in when I am just staying over. It all just makes me cringe as it’s too much too soon.
He has very little skills or appealing boyfriend points. He can’t cook for one which is something I like in a man. I don’t claim to be a brilliant chef but can do basics.he eats like a uni student and doesn’t like\refuses to eat fruit and veg so cooking for him is annoying. He tried to make me a fry up the other day and failed miserably at that. He can’t even put a load of washing and drying on properly, taking him a whole day to do one load. It’s like he needs mothering and has said before he needs someone to stop him eating all the crisps, biscuits, choc etc. I am not playing mum and telling him what he can and can’t eat! Even little comments and things he says are kissing me off now. He told me 3 times in the space of 30 mins that the walls were thin so be quiet. It was a forewarning rather than telling off as I had barely said anything and wasn’t being loud but I still felt like I was a child getting told off. I live in a semi too, I’m not going round screaming at the top of my voice!
His house is full of diy jobs that need doing and cleaning that he claims he doesn’t get round to. He said he needs a girlfriend to encourage him to do it. I mean I know when I have guests I give it an extra tidy but you shouldn’t need someone to force you to clean the house. He is currently wfh and has no hobbies so not like he doesn’t have time!
He also seems very sex mad and although I enjoy sex and want it to be fairly frequent I wouldn’t sleep with someone this early on in a relationship. I would like to be exclusively boyfriend/ girlfriend for want of a better term. He hides condoms in his car, just in case he gets lucky with me. And I don’t mean a couple like in a wallet, a whole box that he takes in and out of the car when he knows he is coming to mine. Major turn off. He goes on and on about sex but yet all the physical stuff just seems very awkward atm, like kissing me hello to greet me, bum slaps, placing his hand on my knee when sat down. I have to tell him I want all these things as he has no idea. He is obsessed with my boobs and just stares in amazement (they’re nothing special) like he is a 11 year old seeing them for the first time. He stares at me and tells me I’m sexy but I just find it cringe because he just stares and is all soppy\needy. He just wants to kiss and have sex. I like the little hugs and cuddles and just general touches throughout the day. The other night he even said “can we just sit and make out for a bit” I mean total cringe that just turned me right off.
But on the positive he is wanting to settle down like me, is open with what he wants in terms of kids etc in future plans. Can be romantic with flowers etc and will treat me right. We have similar backgrounds and some stuff in common but can it work as a relationship? Can I get rid of this ick?
The more I get to know him the more I think he is too immature.
Literally, all that information when this is all you need..
You no longer find him attractive Not because after six dates he has become less attractive, but because who he is as a person is a turn off for you.
That's beyond the ick. You've hit boak level with him.
Absolutely run. He's basically screaming at you 'I want someone to cook, clean and run about after me because I'm a lazy shit'.
I've got the ick just reading that post. Bleugh!
eww he sounds like Kevin from Harry Enfield. I've got the ick just reading it! Throw him back and try and catch something better
I’d walk. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sows ear.
5 long paragraphs as to why you don't like him and one short one about his 'good' qualities...which are really potential good qualities, apart from flowers and you can buy your own flowers quite easily.
You've answered your own question!
He's a 28 year old who has never grown up Chances are he never will. If his immaturity is giving you the icke when you've barely started dating how on earth do you think you would cope actually living with him? You wouldn't so this relationship is a non-starter. For god's sake don't make the mistake of thinking that if you stick it out you might be able to change him. You can't polish a turd. Throw him back in the sea and go and find someone more suitable for you.
I've got the ick just reading that post. Bleugh!
I was just thinking that.
Good lord woman find yourself a real man, he sounds awful.
I'd say the ick is when you have a sudden, inexplicable aversion to an existing partner.
This is just being put off for obvious reasons by someone you turn out not to fancy in the first place.
Also, it probably is the first time he's seen boobs.
What do you get out of this relationship now.
He is not and has never in fact been your project to try and improve or otherwise rescue and or save. It sounds like your ex was a shit as well, it’s looking very much like you’ve gone from one shitty boyfriend to yet another shit, albeit of a different type, but a shit all the same. I would seriously consider the Freedom programme by women’s aid as this could help you choose better going forward. Your boundaries here have become skewed by a shit ex and so have tolerated far more than you should have done.
This man only wants a willing female slave to run around after him and otherwise keep him fed and watered. Is this all you think you deserve from a relationship. You should want better for your own self, don’t sell yourself short here.
I got about halfway through. Why are you even considering continuing with this? You’re not into him. Move on.
He does not sound an attractive prospect.
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