I just wanted to create a place to put all my thoughts together. I feel like I desperate for the relationship to work so I instantly forget fights or nasty things said and done. I'm at the end of my tether though. I really want him to stop shouting and swearing at me in front of the kids. It's so horrible and must be so damaging for them and I don't know why he doesn't see that.
I feel completely trapped here. The tennency is in both our names. I've asked him to leave and he won't. My family are hundreds of miles away. I hope that they would help me if I asked but my mum is about to have an operation so I can't ask now. Also she really likes him. She thinks all the problems are my fault. Maybe she is right.
I've decided to start recording everything. We just had a huge argument because he said I reacted badly to him wanting to go upstairs. I was just overwhelmed trying to feed the baby and the toddler trying to feed also. I didn't even say anything but apparently my face said it all and I've set him up to fail. I said that it was fine for him to go though. Instead he stayed and we fought. I don't know how to better control my face I wish I could. I feel like he's reading my thoughts.
I told him I wanted him to take more responsibility around the house. He was really angry about that and says he does half of everything. It's not true at all and I've tried to explain the mental load thing a million times but it never gets through.
I'm just so tired of being shouted at. I'm trying so hard to just get things done whether he helps or not but it saps all my energy him being like that. It takes all the emotional energy I need to be a good mum and I hate him for that.
He says I have a personality disorder. I don't know if it's true. He has ptsd and smokes weed all the time. I think that's why he is so angry. I don't know how to talk to him about anything because he just gets shouty and cuts me off.
Sorry this is more of a rant than anything. I'm going to write things in here as they happen and record it so I don't forget it all. Then hopefully I'll have enough to make my mind up.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Thinking about ending things
DimidDavilby · 04/08/2020 12:54
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