I don't know where to start so I apologise if I drip feed. I found out the other day that my husband of 8 yrs (together 18) has been calling me nasty names like Lazy Fat Bitch behind my back to our 14yo daughter. Is this deemed to be abuse?! I want to tell him its legally seen as abuse and that he needs to stop but I don't know if it actually is?
I work from home, ran my own business pre lockdown but its hospitality stuff so no work from that until very recently and I took on full time hours temping for another company to make ends meet. OH pays the mortgage and bills as he has a much higher and much more regular income than I do. This was his idea. I pay for things the kids need like clothing etc. I do all of the shopping, cooking and the majority of the housework (except the gardening which he does but very vocally hates doing).
When he is unhappy the whole house knows it. It's hard to explain without me feeling like I'm going nuts but he kind of just goes really silent and huffy but doesn't actually address the problem?! If I try he just makes me feel like I am overthinking and it leaves me feeling anxious for days. He won't do anything socially, if he has come along to things in the past most of the time he will find an excuse to get into a bad mood and leave. I have taken to making sure I drive to places if we go together purely so I know I can get home. If I want to go out on the weekend if we have a day off together he doesn't want to come along - I don't mean a full day out I mean even a walk around our local park.
Anyway, after our daughter told me what he said I just couldn't face an argument (I know how this makes me sound. I hate that I feel so weak) so I just didn't really speak to him other than when I had to. I just felt like I was going to break down and I didn't want to do that. He works from home too at the moment. This morning he got up and said goodbye to our 5yr old (I was in the room too) so I asked where he was going (?) and he replied he was having to travel to a factory up north for work and didn't know when he would be back. Its not unusual for him to go away for a night for work but usually it is planned in advance and he would actually tell me.
I just don't know what to do. Has anyone been through this sort of thing and come out with their marriage intact?
I have no family or friends to go to, no savings, no pension, joint mortgage but he pays it and I feel like I have to put up and shut up to keep my children in a family unit and I feel so sad at the moment.
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AIBU to ask you to be kind with your answers? TW Abuse - I think?
pepsicolagirl · 04/08/2020 11:40
Am I being unreasonable?
18 votes. Final results.
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