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Relationships

Don't want financial resentment

34 replies

MizMoonshine · 04/08/2020 11:06

Don't want to drip feed, this is probably going to be long and boring.

DP and I are due a baby imminently. I have a son from a previous relationship.
I've been made redundant, after receiving my redundancy payment at the end of this month I will have no income.

My partner has a comfortable income. He's got good job security. He has regular overtime (constantly has to travel for work) which amounts to between 1 and 3 thousand pcm.

He has a hefty amount of savings, enough to give us a good house deposit.

He also owns a house, 5 bed detached, about an hours drive away. However, he is trying to sell this house (it's been on the market for two years at a ridiculous price, as his ex wife demanded it). Since they have divorced she is not communicating with him, ignoring his direct communication as well as solicitor.

With his ex wife, their marriage only lasted 6 months. The house was entirely paid for by him (he sold his other house, that he owned before meeting her to make up the deposit). She, legally, has no claim to any financial gain from the sale of the property due to the length of the marriage and having made no financial contribution to the purchase or subsequent upkeep of the house. But they have a joint mortgage. Since finding out she won't likely get a penny from the sale, she's just chosen not to engage, which means he can't progress with selling the house. Can't lower the price, can't accept an offer. He's stuck with the bloody thing.

This is where the problem is for us. We live in Wales, he's currently staying with me and my son (and soon to be our baby) in my mother's 3 bed house. As you can imagine, it's a bit tight. But we're managing. Mum has company, we have a roof.

We can't move to his due to my son's school and my family being close by. My son has had a lot of change in his 8 years and is finally settled in a school and is happy in this area, especially being so close to family (mine and his father's). My dad died last year, they were very close. He adores living with his nan (who has epilepsy, one of the reasons we moved in with her and one of the reasons it's important to be close by).

DP and I have been looking at houses. We've found one that we could technically afford. It meets our basic requirements and it's ready to move into, wouldn't need any immediate work at all. It's a five minute walk from my mother's house, closer even to my son's school.

When I say we can technically afford it, we can afford it quite easily with his overtime. However, based on just his basic salary, two mortgages running side by side (and all the additional costs that go along with them), maintaining a four person family, running the car blah blah blah he's going to have little to no disposable income left.

He's working 12 hour days between actual work and travel. Having no disposable income is going to slowly but surely kill him overtime, I feel. I said it's not a good move right now. He argues that we can't just sit where we are indefinitely.

We have until April to be here at my mum's, before she has planned work starting on the house and it's going to become unlivable. She is hoping we have a place so that she can come and stay with us.

However, with his ex not co-operating, he's lumbered with two mortgages, has used his savings on a second house and has no fun money. I won't be able to contribute until I can get a new job. Childcare in our area means I'll be working just to pay for it, basically. My mum can't be left with the baby, obviously, incase she has a fit.

I just worry he will come to resent the kids and I. But he's right. We can't just sit still.

What can we do?

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GhostOfMe · 04/08/2020 11:39

Is moving out and renting an option? Not sure as different jurisdiction but where I live you can go to court and get a court order to force the house sale. Or could his ex be motivated to stop blocking the sale in return for getting a small portion of the equity? It might be worth it to avoid court and to not have to pay 2 mortgages and 2 lots of interest.