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Dating help! New to this...(7 Posts)
I desperately need some impartial advice on this situation i have gotten myself into..
So my husband and I separated officially in January after I discovered a 3rd affair. I found out about in October but my dad got very sick after so I didn't deal with until after Xmas.
Anyway I've been chatting to my best friend recently about how I've got all these fun things I won't to do in my child free weekends but wanted someone to come along ideally. So she told her brother who was happy to join me. He's also single, has been since January too but it took him a long time to end his previous relationship as his ex was quite ill and he felt he couldn't leave.
So I agreed to go for a drink with him last week and this weekend we went kayaking. He knew it wasn't a date and that was just after a friend.
Well... he's lovely! We ended up staying out all day Sunday, had lunch and went for walk. Chatted all day. We get on really well. I could tell there was a definite spark there though and some flirting (him and me).
When he said goodbye he asked me if I'd consider seeing him more as he really liked me. Now I would love to (it was taking a lot of self control not to touch him tbh!) but I'm a little scared. I genuinely didn't go into looking for that and I'm surprised I liked him like that tbh. So I'm scared I'll hurt him. He's so kind and caring (obviously can trust him too as I've known his sister for years and have seen him at family events) and my life is messy right now. Divorce has just started, ex could be a complete dick if he finds out etc.
So do I back away or am I thinking way too much about this and should I go and see what happens?
It's easy to overthink these situations. There's no harm in taking things slowly and see how they go though is there?
It sounds like you have the basis for a friendship so have a conversation with him and tell him your concerns. If he has also recently split he will know the various issues that can arise.
It sounds like you could both do with some fun so enjoy!
Thank you! Yes I am massively overthinking things... One of my more annoying traits! He did say that he understands if I want to simply stay as friends as he knows about all the crap going on on my life and doesn't want to make it any more complicated than it is.
How nice and probably a nice distraction
Do not worry about any possible ex problems.
Your in a temporary mess and it's life for some of us
Let it happen with this man and your familiar with each other which makes it easier
Enjoy each other at least your not having to sit through many a date trying to find this type of man!
I think you'd be an absolute idiot not to consider moving ahead with this, just be careful, take your time and do it healthily. He sounds like he could turn out to be lovely and you sound like you need a bit of time and space for you.
BUT just a warning .. ( because I've been there and I could have done with one). You don't actually know him. You know one side of him and you know a bit about him through his family and you might be absolutely correct and he IS kind and caring. But enjoy taking your time to find this out for sure and, and good luck!
Thank you. I appreciate the reassurance! @GoingToTryThisAgain947 I understand completely. Tbh where my ex cheated so many times I will be very cautious. I meant more along the lines of I know he's single and who he says he is! I've heard so many horror stories of online dating etc, that at least with him I know he's who he says he is!!
Well after people's comments here, I've taken the leap and agreed to see him again tomorrow. (I've name changed btw just in case ex somehow finds this!). I'm a mix of excited and a bit nervous tbh but he's definitely lovely and not pressuring me at all. So I'm just going to along, have some fun and see what happens.
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