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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Yet another date that went nowhere.

201 replies

UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 19:40

Aaargh. Had OLD #7,023 yesterday. I liked him. Of course he's not been in touch. He's not going to contact me, is he?

So fed up of this. I've been single forever. Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? Most people I know didn't even have to resort to OLD, and most of those who did seem to have got together with the first person they met.

I don't want to be alone forever. It sucks.

OP posts:

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Bunnymumy · 03/08/2020 19:57

...its only been a day. I wouldn't expect someone to contact me for a few days after a date.

Eg: date on the saturday, text maybe Tues or wed ish to see how I am and maybe arrange another date then for the following weekend.

Did either of you suggest a second date or talk about things you both like in a way that might point towards there going to be a date doing these things? Eg: 'I really want to see such and such at the cinema', 'oh yeah, me too!'

I think I'd feel a bit smothered if I had just had a date with someone and the very next day they were contacting me again.

I guess it's different if you usually tslkevery day but...
One day without doesnt mean ge has lost interest.

How do you feel the dare went? Did he seem into you? Did it flow? Do you think you are both looking for the same things?

Gose · 03/08/2020 20:13

He may contact you Una, don't give up hope yet. Keep busy! How do you feel the date went?

I do know how you feel though - it seems so easy for some people. If it makes you feel any better, I struggle to even get to the date stage!

OnyourOwn · 03/08/2020 20:14

its only been a day. I wouldn't expect someone to contact me for a few days after a date I completely disagree! Sorry.

When a bloke is keen they message asap.

Bunnymumy · 03/08/2020 20:26

Yeah, but they would tell you on the date they were keen on seeing you again, surely?

Maybe a 'hope you got home safe' message or something to round off the evening but then isn't it just general decency to give a person a few days after a date in order to to digest it?

I find those who don't give any such space are often love bombers. You can be keen on someone and still not have to be constantly in contact. Especially in early dating days.

If the date went well then there shouldnt be any insecurities about a few days without talking.

UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 20:32

Did either of you suggest a second date or talk about things you both like in a way that might point towards there going to be a date doing these things?

We had a short walk, stopped for a drink, then a much longer walk, them back to where he had parked at which point he suggested we had a coffee.

I thought he was being quite flirty and he said we'd speak/meet soon - but of course people say that without really meaning it...

The date lasted a bit under four hours and didn't drag - plenty of conversation and laughter. I guess that's why I'm disappointed, but I tend to agree with @OnyourOwn.

OP posts:

Bunnymumy · 03/08/2020 20:35

Well for a 4 hour date either he is really keen and will be in tough or...ge was dragging it out in the hope you would sleep with him and when you didnt....

TheStuffedPenguin · 03/08/2020 20:35

@OnyourOwn

its only been a day. I wouldn't expect someone to contact me for a few days after a date I completely disagree! Sorry.

When a bloke is keen they message asap.

and the woman as well ? send him a message if you like him What have you got to lose ?I always would send a lovely to meet you message and yay or nay . My grown up son used to do OLD and he said you can never win with women - Too soon and they don't like it and if you leave it too long it's an issue too !

Bunnymumy · 03/08/2020 20:38

*in touch

UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 20:47

@Bunnymumy

Well for a 4 hour date either he is really keen and will be in tough or...ge was dragging it out in the hope you would sleep with him and when you didnt....

Well he didn't try to kiss me and I'd already turned down his offer of a lift, so I don't think he was expecting we'd end up in bed.

OP posts:

NaughtyLittleElf · 03/08/2020 20:49

A message to say they had a nice time and hope you got home ok is pretty basic manners, generally the man sends the first message (old fashioned maybe but I'd expect it) nothing wrong with the woman texting but I agree if he was keen he'd have messaged as soon as he got home.

You've usually been messaging fairly regularly up to the first date so a sudden change in communications after isn't a good sign.

Ugzbugz · 03/08/2020 20:51

I doubt he would have suggested coffee after if there wasnt some interest? Text him now, maybe hes shy and waiting for you, it iany only for the man to text first....

FirelighterGirl · 03/08/2020 20:52

But you haven't contacted him either?

Bunnymumy · 03/08/2020 20:52

But a 4 hour date though! Surely he wouldn't have drawn it out that long if he wasn't keen. Unless you said something nearer the end if it that put him off maybe?

UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 20:55

@Ugzbugz

I doubt he would have suggested coffee after if there wasnt some interest? Text him now, maybe hes shy and waiting for you, it iany only for the man to text first....

iany?

He didn't seem remotely shy.

OP posts:

UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 20:58

@Bunnymumy

But a 4 hour date though! Surely he wouldn't have drawn it out that long if he wasn't keen. Unless you said something nearer the end if it that put him off maybe?

Who knows.

The coffee part was quite short and we mainly talked about cats and his forthcoming holiday.

I don't know - I thought we got on well enough for a second date, but it's par for the course.

OP posts:

UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 20:59

@FirelighterGirl

But you haven't contacted him either?

No.

OP posts:

Bunnymumy · 03/08/2020 20:59

Leave it tonight n maybe drop him a text during the day tomorrow if you haven't heard anything. Bull by the horns. What's the worst that could happen? That he still isnt interested and you're back at square one but at least you gave it your best shot.

HollysBush · 03/08/2020 20:59

I don’t think he would have suggested the coffee if he wasn’t interested. Why not say “Had a lovely time, do you want to meet again?”
What have you got to loose?

Notcoolmum · 03/08/2020 21:00

Join the dating thread on here @UnaCorda Think we are on number 192! It's helpful to know other people are experiencing issues and there is always support and advice from people who understand.

@Bunnymumy I would always expect, and have received, a message the day of or the day after a date. Nothing unusual about that at all.

Minikievs · 03/08/2020 21:00

@OnyourOwn

its only been a day. I wouldn't expect someone to contact me for a few days after a date I completely disagree! Sorry.

When a bloke is keen they message asap.

I agree with this

HollysBush · 03/08/2020 21:02

So...he hasn’t contacted you and you haven’t contacted him... I’ve never done OLD but if I was a as guy I’d be worried about the woman thinking I was creepy if contacted her first.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 03/08/2020 21:16

Can't you message him to say thanks for a lovely time? See what he says back.

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UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 21:26

@Fishfingersandwichplease

Can't you message him to say thanks for a lovely time? See what he says back.

Well I could... But what would be the point? He's obviously not interested.

OP posts:

MargotMoon · 03/08/2020 21:32

Ah come on now, Una! You've no idea what he thought. Just message him and ask! No game playing, you want another date, why does he have to be the one to instigate it. If he can't cope with you asking him out he's a bellend anyway

Fishypants · 03/08/2020 21:37

I say don't contact him.

If he was interested he would contact you.

I've done OLD and kidded myself with the whole "hey it's the 21st Century woman can text first" spiel, only to be met with indifference or guys just killing time with you, until someone else they really like comes along. Monumental waste of time, delaying the inevitable.

If you're not worth 15 seconds of his time for a quick text to you than he simply isn't worth 15 seconds of your time.

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