Need some advice and pointers please, as I am scared and bewildered and don’t know where to start
DH and I have been married for 30 years. I’m 57 and he’s 66. Both kids grown up, independent and living elsewhere. We live in the 4-bed family home, no mortgage or debts. Both retired on reasonable pensions- his includes state pension, but mine is slightly bigger. Have some savings jointly, he has more savings in his name due to an inheritance.
I have reached a point where I feel it is better for us to live separate lives. He’s done something I have just found out about and that was a final straw for me. ( it’s not adultery!). I’ve not had any discussion with him yet (he doesn’t know I’ve found out this thing) and am scared of his reaction- I think he will get angry and I know he won’t be cooperative about a 50:50 asset split ( at least not at first) . I am not even bothered about divorcing- I just need to live separately from him and put space between us. I don’t think I’m in an unsafe situation so it could be a gradual separation as far as I’m concerned. He mightn’t agree with that.
But I don’t know how to play this out to get the best, calmest discussion with him immediately and in the future. I don’t know what I should do to protect any assets before I speak to him in case he doesn’t play ball. I don’t know if I’m being incredibly naive in suggesting to him we stay in family home till it’s sold then buy our own places rather than me having to move out straight away. Do I need to see a solicitor first or only if he won’t do a 50:50? What about a mediator if he won’t talk to me without getting angry- are they any good
So, if you’ve been through this please send me your what worked, what didn’t work, how to end this as nicely as possible. I’m devastated it’s come to this and fear of this process is holding me back from having the conversation with him as everyone says it’s so painful that I keep thinking maybe it’s less painful to stay, no matter how difficult.
Thank you
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Want to separate from husband- help
4 replies
30year · 03/08/2020 13:52
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