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Husband spying on me?

(243 Posts)
lemurllama Mon 03-Aug-20 12:26:16

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
Feralkidsatthecampsite Mon 03-Aug-20 12:28:01

Black marker over the lens and put it back.
And consider Ltb.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 03-Aug-20 12:30:20

Have you not confronted him about this? I would be incandescent with rage, I know that. This is an appalling violation of your privacy, and I would be very concerned as to what he's doing with these videos.

BurtsBeesKnees Mon 03-Aug-20 12:32:41

This would be a deal breaker for me. Most people have ups and downs in relationships, but they discuss this with their partners like normal human beings. A camera is such an invasion of privacy it makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

Is he overly jealous normally, paranoia, controlling who and when you see people?

FatCatThinCat Mon 03-Aug-20 12:32:47

Same here, I'd be exploding with rage over this. He wouldn't know what had hit him. And then he'd be out the door.

L8Bloomer Mon 03-Aug-20 12:33:24

That is awful. How dare he.

Would you have the strength to leave over this.

I'd be worried he wants to film you having sex and then do god only knows what with the footage.

Do you feel safe?

Is there a spare room?

lemurllama Mon 03-Aug-20 12:34:38

@Feralkidsatthecampsite am already considering that. Need to get my ducks in a row (as the man saying goes) first though....

@Aquamarine1029 not yet, because I only found it this morning and he's at work. The good thing with that is it's given me the day to mull things over and consider how to play my cards. I want to keep things close to my chest so I have the upper hand when I leave him. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to leave just yet though.

OP’s posts: |
lemurllama Mon 03-Aug-20 12:35:15

lemurllama

*@Feralkidsatthecampsite* am already considering that. Need to get my ducks in a row (as the man saying goes) first though....

@Aquamarine1029 not yet, because I only found it this morning and he's at work. The good thing with that is it's given me the day to mull things over and consider how to play my cards. I want to keep things close to my chest so I have the upper hand when I leave him. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to leave just yet though.


MN not man

OP’s posts: |
zippityzip Mon 03-Aug-20 12:37:31

Does he know you've seen it?

Would the footage show you finding the camera?

I honestly don't understand why he would do that. Either to catch you in the act cheating or for voyeurism.

I hope you're ok.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 03-Aug-20 12:39:11

Given the severity of this intrusion and the fact he may be posting these videos online, I would involve the police. You would probably be able to get an occupancy order to get him out of the home.

OhioOhioOhio Mon 03-Aug-20 12:39:52

I'd go to the police.

TwentyViginti Mon 03-Aug-20 12:40:56

Take pics of the set up and send them somewhere safe he can't access.

My2catsarefab Mon 03-Aug-20 12:41:17

It could be linked to an app so there's a chance he's seen you finding it...
I'd be making plans to leave NOW

RandomMess Mon 03-Aug-20 12:41:22

I agree with going to the police. It may give grounds for you to have an occupation order so you can remain in the home and he can't enter it at all.

He could be posting you all over the internet...

It's a crime to record you in this way.

CodenameVillanelle Mon 03-Aug-20 12:42:09

The only thing you can do is leave him and make you and your DC safe. Do your DC ever come into the room undressed or get dressed in there?

Msonamission Mon 03-Aug-20 12:43:22

Hi OP, is there any reason you can think of why he would do this? Does he think you're having an affair?

HollowTalk Mon 03-Aug-20 12:43:30

Go to the police. Your daughter is being recorded too.

differentnameforthis Mon 03-Aug-20 12:44:16

It depends what he is recording, and what he is doing with the recordings.

Like, if he is recording you both having sex, you are NOT consenting to that, therefore you are not consenting to sex.

If he is recording you naked, that isn't acceptable, and yes, he IS doing something wrong.

What were your past troubles, op?

JaneJeffer Mon 03-Aug-20 12:48:45

I would sit in sight of the camera while I phone the police.

GlmPmum Mon 03-Aug-20 12:49:33

Depending on anything else he's done then this is bordering on coercive control and is illegal!

If I was you'd I take the camera out and of confident enough to confront and no risk of violence have it out with him and tell him your reporting him for coercive control and leave the twat.

Red flags all over this, get shut!

Opentooffers Mon 03-Aug-20 12:50:15

I'm not sure which is worse, obsessive jealousy or furtively recording stuff for personal or other use. Only 2 reasons I can see, both of them shining out that he is mentally unbalanced. It's unforgivable, there'd be no coming back from this, there is no justification for it. I wouldn't even bother asking why, I'd just say it's over because of what he's done, no it's or buts about it.

TwentyViginti Mon 03-Aug-20 12:51:23

JaneJeffer

I would sit in sight of the camera while I phone the police.

Excellent, if it's safe to do so.

Delbelleber Mon 03-Aug-20 12:52:41

That's crazy, like something out of a film

DDIJ Mon 03-Aug-20 12:54:50

Go to the police flowers

Okayokayok Mon 03-Aug-20 12:55:19

You need to take pictures of the camera before he watches the footage and sees you have spotted it and tries to destroy it. Can you get into his laptop or computer?

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