Online dating red flags

(175 Posts)
BilboBercow Mon 03-Aug-20 10:05:12

I feel like this may have been done but I feel so jaded by online dating at the moment and I'm constantly seeing red flags to the point that I'm wondering if it's just me? Would you see the below list as a no-no?
No picture of themselves (obviously)
"Not sure what I'm looking for but I'll know when I find it" - I'll string you along then say I didn't promise you anything
"Are there any normal women out there?"
"Not into vanilla" - can't ejaculate unless I'm hurting you
"I don't like women who wear lots of makeup" - I'm controlling
"Need someone to keep me on my toes" - will treat you like shit and blame you for it

Feel free to add your own. Also feel free to tell me I'm being silly. My ex was abusive so sometimes I worry now that I overanalyse everything.
I also saw a guy today saying "I value loyalty so if you've had more men than hot dinners swipe left" and my initial reaction was "fuckity bye"

OP’s posts: |
Pers Mon 03-Aug-20 12:17:56

This is a really interesting point!

I'm trying to think more generally of things I avoid when using dating apps (topless pics are a turn off for some reason)

I wonder what women write on their profiles that men see as red flags also 🤔

updownroundandround Mon 03-Aug-20 12:32:15

It's been a long time since I did OLD, but from what I can remember......

The ones with;

''I'm a nice guy''= I'm a head fuck
group picture (usually with 'mates' doing something stupid)=guess who I am ?
black and white picture (why????)= I've got manky teeth
Names like ''live, love, laugh'' = FWB only need apply
Love all sports = I won't be available for most of the year.
Travel for work = I'll have women all over the world.
Must be financially independent. = I'll not spend a fucking penny on you unless I have to, but I'll be happy to spend your money.
Needs to be smartly dressed = want eye candy only, no brains requested.

iamthrough Mon 03-Aug-20 13:31:07

mmm I did try and keep an open-minded with the carious Apps but a few red flags that I stuck too.
No Brexit-iers/Re-mainers - Shows me that you're opinionated and would expect any partner to have the exact same views as them.
Profiles with only group photos - How am I supposed to know which one you are??
Anyone claiming to be doting Father - as they were probably the exact opposite. Good Dads don't need to advertise the fact.

BilboBercow Mon 03-Aug-20 14:05:32

Yeah I also hate profiles with topless pics, gym selfies and too many selfies in general. They make me think they're very vain

OP’s posts: |
BilboBercow Mon 03-Aug-20 14:07:10

Oh and anyone claiming to be "non-manogamous" or "poly". I mean live your life but it's not for me.

OP’s posts: |
MikeUniformMike Mon 03-Aug-20 14:09:31

No dramas - that's his department


MikeUniformMike Mon 03-Aug-20 14:11:28

Photos of children in the profile.- just wrong.

ravenmum Mon 03-Aug-20 14:17:32

"Are there any normal women out there?" etc. are all very useful things for them to write straight out on their profile, so that you know to avoid them. It's not even a red flag, it's a sign saying "Run!"

wishing3 Mon 03-Aug-20 14:19:16

Poser type photos and (prob more for when on actual date), slagging off exes.

Shoxfordian Mon 03-Aug-20 14:22:20

Don't agree with you about the non vanilla, he could be looking for a dominatrix

Nothing wrong with safe kink anyway

firecracker69 Mon 03-Aug-20 15:03:22

It instantly puts me off when they start describing how amazing they are, particularly in their opening message. "I'm completely honest, loyal, treat my ladies like gold dust..... " if they are indeed such a a catch, why do they need to sell themselves?

peppermintteadrinker Mon 03-Aug-20 17:05:22

Anyone who says what I MUST be!

Anyone who says no drama.

Anyone who says "just ask" without bothering to write anything on their profile!

peppermintteadrinker Mon 03-Aug-20 17:06:54

Middle aged men who are looking for a "girl"

Men who "know how to treat a lady" 🤮

GilbertMarkham Mon 03-Aug-20 17:19:55

I value loyalty so if you've had more men than hot dinners swipe left

Logic fail.

Someone who's had lots of partners could be loyal ie may not have cheated on any of them or not actually been in exclusive relationships in order to cheat ... Whereas someone who's had a relatively slow numbers of partners could have been a serial cheat/over-lapper.

What they really mean is they're convinced a promiscuous (and it doesn't take much for some men to consider a woman promiscuous, with standards they strangely never seem to apply to themselves) can't be loyal and faithful.

Or that they don't want what they see as a shop-soiled dolly.

GilbertMarkham Mon 03-Aug-20 17:21:54

Oh and anyone claiming to be "non-manogamous" or "poly".

Suppose you should be glad they're being upfront about it, instead of lying like so many do.

ihateyoutube Mon 03-Aug-20 17:43:55

Great ones so far. So many to choose from!

Anyone who says no drama, no baggage - ugh.
Anyone who says ‘I’m fit and intelligent and you should be too’
Photos next to a ‘swanky’ (or just wanky) car that’s obviously not theirs..
Main profile pic of them drinking a pint.
Main photo just of a pint... wtaf
Dimly lit scary looking photos of a bare torso, or tattoos.
Photos with borrowed looking kids.

firecracker69 Mon 03-Aug-20 17:56:13

Profile pics where they only have hats on..... hiding their baldness. I don't care if they've got hair or not.... but please don't hide it away for me to guess.

I saw someone describe it as "hatfishing" which is luring you in under the false pretences of having a full ahead of hair.

Bananalanacake Mon 03-Aug-20 18:07:02

I thought you meant they were all from the same bloke opgrin

Crystalspider Mon 03-Aug-20 18:09:08

Photos with borrowed looking kids

omg yes this happens a lot, I have seen quite a few men with kids and actually say on their profile 'don't worry it's not mine, he's my nephew etc'
The hat trick too, I was fooled once, now I know why they wear a hat.

I think your quite clued up op, trust your gut when, flicking through.

Closetbeanmuncher Mon 03-Aug-20 18:17:32

fuckity bye 😂😂

Middle aged men who are looking for a "girl"


they don't want what they see as a shop-soiled dolly


It's been a long time since I dipped my toe in the pool of online barrel scrapings, I think the one time was enough for me to lose my faith in humanity 😂

Has anyone actually had success on these apps??

Closetbeanmuncher Mon 03-Aug-20 18:19:33

And to answer the original question I would consider each and every one of those points a red flag too so yanbu imo.

peppermintteadrinker Mon 03-Aug-20 18:35:16

@Closetbeanmuncher I had a lovely relationship with a lovely man who has now ghosted me after a year and a half so... Not sure how to answer that!

Musicaltheatremum Mon 03-Aug-20 18:35:57

I've had success. Tinder. Started chatting 25/8/18. He's still here making my tea. I adore him and him me.

Unforgettablefire Mon 03-Aug-20 18:59:07

Selfies with their cute pets. Or borrowed pets it stinks of desperation

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