My poor sister has just confessed the dreadful situation she is living in with her partner. I always knew he was an arsehole but had no idea the full extent - he is emotionally, financially and sexually abusive to her. 
I need practical advice on how to help her get out. She has told me she wants out, but doesn’t want to tell him until she and the children are all set up somewhere and she can just walk away. She doesn’t know how to make this happen and nor do I, although I know from being on here that it can be done. They aren’t married, he owns the property they live in, they have two children together. We are in Scotland. She works part time and she has told me that she has used an online benefit calculator and thinks she would be OK money wise once out. She has no cash at her disposal at present but we/our parents could help her. She looks after the children apart from during her PT job, which she tries to do during the evenings and overnight so her partner doesn’t have to have the kids on his own too much.
I want to help her leave. Please tell me what we need to do to organise a home and benefits without his knowledge.
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Please help - DSis just disclosed awful truth about her relationship -what do we do next?
ItsGettingLight · 03/08/2020 05:08
I really sympathise OP - I have been in this exact position. I was heartbroken when one day my sister broke down and out of nowhere disclosed to me the truth of what was going on in her relationship which involved emotional and financial abuse. His actions were also causing harm to the children who were 4 and 7 at the time.
We cried together on the sofa, I told her she had to get out and she said she knew and that’s why she had told me.
That was on a Wednesday, and on Friday whilst her husband was at work I collected my sister, the children, and some of their belongings and took them to my house.
Her partner had no idea she was leaving until he came home after work and saw that nobody was there. She text him to say she’d left him and was at my house but thankfully he had no idea where I lived. A few days later I went back to their house when he was at work and bundled the rest of their cloths and belongings into my car and took them back to mine.
She and her children stayed with me for just over a month whilst she sorted herself out and it was a very difficult month as her being at my house caused a huge amount of upheaval for everyone. We had to make a lot of adjustments to our family life in order to accommodate my sister and the children but there was no other option.
She was in a very similar situation in that she wasn’t married to her partner, the house was in his name and she only worked part time.
It’s such a difficult situation OP, I really feel for you. You are obviously upset and worried and your sister is very lucky to have you to talk to and somebody to trust. It’s so important she escapes her home life ASAP and it’s lovely that she knows she has you to turn to 
Re browsing, if your sister has it, use ''Private Browsing''... and set her phone to ''shut down'' after a few seconds before needing a password.
I sincerely hope your Sister has the courage to stay away...I had two friends whop both had extremely abusive partners {not married} and what shocked me was despite needing hospital treatment, the women returned, time and time again.
One of the women after several years.
I just hope that your sister can make a clean break, and like Lot, not look back.
With children, it is hard, but it is doable.
Best of luck and Courage to your sister..She can do it...It can be very emotionally hard for you, too...especially if she goes back to him.
Don't be too surprised/hurt if she does.
Just hope she can cut loose though...Emotionally as well as physically.
I’m not sure how she stands with them not being married. Is child maintenance all she can expect ?
From him, yes - but the fewer ties to him the better.
Too many maybes to try to guess the benefit situation - she needs to use an online calculator (clear history after, or do on someone else's device) and go to CAB, who can help in many ways.
Aim for complete independence from him - so if he decides to be flaky about paying child maintenance, it doesn't sink her new household.
And for you OP: you are doing the right thing things haven't changed for her because she's told you (he doesn't know, he's not getting worse at the moment). Except for the better, because planning how to get out will in itself make you stronger.
And she has one of the most important assets there is - family who will support her
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