Talk

Advanced search

Moving on after divorce

(5 Posts)
Misty9 Sun 02-Aug-20 21:52:36

Well, we're not technically divorced yet as we're waiting for the 2yr no blame option. But, I ended my marriage 18 months ago and I've now met someone else. We've been together for 2 months but it feels like longer and things are going well. Except I'm feeling a bit freaked out by the whole concept of a relationship after having been married. For context, I ended the marriage because exh just couldn't provide the love and connection I needed (he's autistic which didn't help). I feel overwhelmed at the thought of integrating into someone else's friends and family, that I wouldn't be the person they built so much with and who those people know and love. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I'm scared of feeling second best. Especially if the woman ended things. I also feel scared to open myself up to the possibility of something else. And how can it ever work with kids in the picture?!

I don't think these fears are specific to my current relationship, but more how I feel in general about the future. I guess I'm wondering how others navigated moving on after divorce?

OP’s posts: |
Misty9 Mon 03-Aug-20 16:33:21

Anyone...?

OP’s posts: |
fedupwithhim Mon 03-Aug-20 16:55:20

I've been divorced for 3 years. Life has been extremely tough, mainly with ups and downs of emotions and the ex continues to be a nightmare.
I've dated but push everyone away as I was so badly deceived in my long marriage.
Good luck !

Misty9 Tue 04-Aug-20 09:54:44

@fedupwithhim thanks for replying and I'm sorry it's been so tough. It is a roller-coaster isn't it?! Luckily my ex is Mr civil, but I have a history of being a bit neglected so easily feel rejected I think. I shared some of what I said in my op with my (I don't even know what to call him?!) guy last night. So that feels healthy. He just said I'm not in competition with anyone, which is reassuring! I hope things get easier for you soon flowers

OP’s posts: |
Emancipated Tue 04-Aug-20 10:06:23

I understand where you’re coming from OP. I ended my marriage 2.5 years ago, we’ve been divorced a few months. It hasn’t been easy; it involved me moving away, moving a few times, dealing with a whole load of emotions and really rebuilding myself and my life.
I’m in a relationship with a lovely man who is very present and in lots of ways is everything I needed that I wasn’t getting from my marriage.

I’d say give it time; it’s taken me months and months and we have worked hard to resolve a lot of our combined issues from our broken relationships. Ultimately we’re on the same page but we needed to go slowly and work through all our hang ups and insecurities. It’s taken us 18 months but we are solid and our future looks bright and happy.
I can relate to feeling easily rejected but I needed to work on myself and I also needed to learn to have those conversations with my DP so that he understood where I was at. Luckily DP is emotionally very open and mature.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in