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Thought I was ready I'm not.

(5 Posts)
Theodoreb Sun 02-Aug-20 16:15:41

I have a fwb long term, I love him and for ages I been hoping things would get more serious into a actual relationship now it actually is I'm petrified and keep seeing all the flaws I never saw before and getting frightened.

I been single 4 1/2 years since my last very abusive ex who would rape me often, I don't understand for the last year I've wanted things to get serious with this man but now they starting to I'm frightened and don't feel ready.

I don't know whether to try and walk away if it doesn't work as I've wanted this so long or whether to let it go and wait till I am ready. Don't understand why it's all I've wanted from a man in so long and he seemed so perfect right up until things started taking a more serious turn and now all I see is reasons why it won't work and feel frightened.

OP’s posts: |
8HannaH8 Sun 02-Aug-20 16:39:10

Sometimes you need to trust your gut. Especially if you have been vulnerable before.

What are the red flags your seeing OP? What are the reasons it took a year to become something more serious than FWB?

ChristmasFluff Sun 02-Aug-20 17:34:53

Someone can be a very different person in a relationship to how they are outside of one. A FWB relationship is very different to a romantic relationship - and you are now getting to see who he is a romantic relationship.

If you don't like what you are seeing, end it. Don't second-guess yourself. It is the second-guessing that leads us to give abusers chance after chance. Trust your instincts and let this one go.

rvby Sun 02-Aug-20 17:41:35

You dont have to be that frightened if you keep reminding yourself that you can end it at any time. Literally any time.

You aren't trapped with this guy. You can see how it goes for a bit, and if it doesn't get better, you can just pack it in, it isnt forever.

Is there something in particular that hes doing that is freaking you out? What is the actual problem you're experiencing, or worried that you will experience?

Theodoreb Mon 03-Aug-20 13:11:52

The reason we haven't gone out is because of a age gap, i am 32 he is 22 and I have a 14yo DS that loves my friend has known him for 4 years and I don't think he will have a problem. He has often suggested we would make a good couple so he won't have a issue.

I'm not seeing red flags, basically I have bipolar 1 and his mum has bipolar 2 but I been switching meds the last month and he has been so supportive staying down every night, staying awake with me till 6 then sleeping till 8 for work. No matter how many times I told him he needs to take care of himself he wouldn't listen. Now I'm on the mend he is sleeping again. Basically he hasn't done anything wrong.

The age is holding me back, the thought that he will probably want kids and I'm not sure if I can even have any given all the medication I am on. But mostly I'm frightened of letting go letting myself love him and end up needing him then when he cheats or gets bored of me or we start fighting he will leave and I'll have to get used to living alone again.

The last thing I'm frightened of is I really cannot bear the thought of losing my friend if things go wrong, i have had no luck in relationships and I guess I'm automatically assuming it will go bad, because every relationship I've had has ended up badly so why would this one be any different.

I always thought it was ok to leave him get close to me (normally shut everyone out because I don't want my bipolar to hurt them) but as his mum has bipolar too I let him close as he knows what he's signing up for, he takes exemplary care of me whether we are just friends, fwb and now that things have stepped up to basically being in a relationship he is taking even better care of me but worried it's too much for him to deal with.

It's not a reflection on him, its me that I have a problem with not him.

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