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How would you feel if another woman told your husband they had feelings for him?

(54 Posts)
Pollypocket89 Fri 31-Jul-20 17:59:39

Thankfully this isn't about me personally for those that remember my other thread. A friend and I were talking today about it and her response was different to mine so I was just curious how others would react or feel if that happened to your husband?

OP’s posts: |
VettiyaIruken Fri 31-Jul-20 18:01:31

I'd like to pretend I'd be all 'cool wife' about it but honestly, I suspect I'd be pissed off.

MizMoonshine Fri 31-Jul-20 18:04:56

It depends how I find out.
If my partner tells me, I treat her as the problem. I inform him he's to go NC so there can be no leading her on. And, depending on the way she put it forward, I approach her and warn her off engaging with him again.
If I found out by means other than my partner telling me, and he has hidden it, I treat it like any other betrayal. He still has to go NC. She still gets told to fuck off. But I want explanations from him, and full transparency.
I'm assuming in this situation, it's unrequited.

Bunnymumy Fri 31-Jul-20 18:07:26

I'd wonder how much contact he had had with this woman in order for her to develop feelings.

I mean crushes happen without much input but...we dont normaly confess feelings for people out of the blue.

I'd think maybe he had been flirting with her (maybe just banter as far as he was concerned but...) for a long time or had been aware of these feelings yet not set her straight. At best.

I wouldn't be ok with him continuing to stay around this person.

Mummyshark2018 Fri 31-Jul-20 18:10:02

I would be pleased that he told me. Then I think we could work through how best to deal with it.

RandomTree Fri 31-Jul-20 18:13:22

I'd be really pissed off with her. It's totally unacceptable to say that to a married man. I'd expect my DH to step back from contact with her, within reason (I wouldn't expect him to leave his job if she was a colleague).

Bagelsandbrie Fri 31-Jul-20 18:16:02

If she knew he was married I’d be seriously pissed off. Totally disrespectful.

Bluntness100 Fri 31-Jul-20 18:18:09

I’d raise an eyebrow and laugh but I trust my husband.

SerenityNowwwww Fri 31-Jul-20 18:19:17

Depends if it was a mutual thing or if they had been up to something.

Some days I’d say “take ‘im”

LizzieBennett70 Fri 31-Jul-20 18:32:00

Wouldn't bother me remotely.

You either trust your partner or you don't.

MikeUniformMike Fri 31-Jul-20 18:34:42

You can trust someone as much as you like, it doesn't mean they won't betray you.

Lilithpaws Fri 31-Jul-20 18:35:28

This has happened to my friend. She laughed and trusted her husband. She got a bit pissed off when the other woman told her she would look after him when friend died. Friend is 13 years older than husband.

MolotovMocktail Fri 31-Jul-20 18:50:03

I would think my husband had encouraged her in some way, for her to state her feelings.

2018SoFarSoGreat Fri 31-Jul-20 18:56:16

Many moons ago DH came to work in same (large) office as me. First all hands meeting, cute, bubbly blonde co-worker sidled closer to me and whispered 'move over. I want to get nearer to that really hot new guy.' I did. Watched her repeat this about 10 times until she was right next to him and smiling broadly. Next day she was oohing and aahing in the lunchroom about how cute he was, and how she was going to make sure they bumped into each other often. Her poor face when someone told her it was my DH. I said nothing. We are still rather good FB friends smile

DH was mortified when I told him though. He almost quit!

Yankathebear Fri 31-Jul-20 19:00:40

Depends.... if he told me and his reasons for telling me. Also depends on who it is tbh!

lmwghb Fri 31-Jul-20 19:08:12

I would be very careful as this woman could be a threat to her marriage, if the other woman already knows he married and she has declared feelings then her she has already overstepped the mark, she may be willing to pursue your friends husband.

I think your friends husband should first reassure your friend that he will be clear with this other woman that it’s not going to happen and if she continues to pursue he should be honest with his wife and go no contact. If this is a work place a line manager should be involved to ensure that boundaries are adhered to.

Of course at this point we don’t know the full story and what’s lead up to these feelings, perhaps your friends husband had been confiding in this person and that’s why feelings have developed.

Either way I’d suggest your friend keep a very close eye on things as this sort of situation can develop really quickly and become very messy.

FinallyHere Fri 31-Jul-20 19:41:21

It really depends on how he reacts. Ex-P would preen and feel as if he had won the lottery.

DH always looks terrified. It happens to him a lot. He is often considered a great listener though I now know that he is just great at reacting sympathetically without actually listening. Women put their head on his shoulder and weep and talk forever.

I leave him to it and usually have a much better time.

YgritteSnow Fri 31-Jul-20 19:51:54


Why didn't you just tell her? Were you enjoying seeing her make a fool of herself?

BumbleBeee69 Fri 31-Jul-20 19:53:55

The fact she felt comfortable/intimate enough .. to share her feelings with the DH... would be a red flag for me... my reaction would be based on his 'alleged' response... hmm

2018SoFarSoGreat Fri 31-Jul-20 19:59:53

@YgritteSnow of course I did not enjoy her making a fool of herself!

I didn't really know here then, and was just kind of open mouthed that she'd even try this in such an obvious way, especially in an all hands meeting, where we were meant to be listening! After the fact it was too late, and it would have been even more mortifying for her if I raised it, so I didn't. We discussed it some time later, and she was actually not mortified. She said she'd still go after him if I let her.

myohmywhatawonderfulday Fri 31-Jul-20 20:55:19

This happened to me. I was really angry and never ever spoke to the woman again. (I worked with her). I thought it was really disrespectful to myself and my marriage.

BumbleBeee69 Fri 31-Jul-20 21:23:35

I thought it was really disrespectful to myself and my marriage.

damn right it is... flowers

Pollypocket89 Fri 31-Jul-20 21:37:15

Really interesting reading all the replies!

Just to clarify, it hasn't happened to my friend, we were just having a discussion and she said similar to some here, that you either trust him or you dont

OP’s posts: |
Shoxfordian Fri 31-Jul-20 21:41:59

I'd think good luck
He adores me

BitOfFun Fri 31-Jul-20 21:45:51

Is anybody else wondering what an "all hands" meeting involves here? grin.

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