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Am I over reacting ? Cam girl site.

(46 Posts)
Talkingtothebirds Fri 31-Jul-20 13:25:25

Ok so bit of background: bf very very secretive with phone. We had an argument two weeks back. He stayed at his parents. I was Ill that day and got an early night.

Fast forward to today. He asked me to take some photos. I was in the folder and there was a ‘hidden photos’ file I’d never seen before. I guess curiosity got the better of me. I looked. Well, there’s lots of recordings from a site called chatturbate - seems that’s cam girls? These he viewed on the night he stayed at his parents. Some pretty sick stuff. More disturbingly there’s tons of videOs he made of himself masturbating, using a pump, putting something in his penis (metal thing? Pushing it out).

I couldn’t keep this to myself. I’m devastated. I asked him why he made them - was he posting them to someone or sending to the site? I don’t know how it works. He swears blind not. He says he doesn’t know and he doesn’t see the difference between cam
Girls and porn. I have always been clear that if he ever watched a cam girl I’m out. I told him so much today. He thinks I’ve massively over reacted. I’m absolutely gutted.

As soon as I told him he deleted them all - dodgy as anything right - so I can’t go check if he’s posted on the site.

I don’t feel like I want to carry on. My self esteem is low as it is and this feels like the final blow. He knew I had a no no to cam girls and although he didn’t agree he did it anyway. So MN please give it to me straight. If I’m over reacting please tell me and I’ll listen. Thank you xxx

OP’s posts: |
namechange12a Fri 31-Jul-20 13:29:06

I have always been clear that if he ever watched a cam girl I’m out.

That was a boundary you set and you stand by it. It doesn't matter what he thinks.

RLEOM Fri 31-Jul-20 13:35:46

Cam girls are as good as sexual encounters. Porn, fine. Cam girls, no.

legalseagull Fri 31-Jul-20 13:37:39

Sorry OP but cam girls really is cheating. You have to stick to your guns. Imagine if you had video phone sex with another man - it would be cheating right?!

hammie46i Fri 31-Jul-20 13:38:57

I think of both porn and cam girls as totally unacceptable. It's using sex workers. Dump him.

Rainbowqueeen Fri 31-Jul-20 13:42:47

Not over reacting at all
Dump him. He has no right to tell you what your boundaries are

Chitlin Fri 31-Jul-20 13:44:11

I have always been clear that if he ever watched a cam girl I’m out.

So - you're out, right?

Talkingtothebirds Fri 31-Jul-20 13:47:39

To be honest I want to know where all his videos of him doing weird things to himself were going. He insists they were just for him but I don’t but that. He’s deleted them all but I saw them.

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Talkingtothebirds Fri 31-Jul-20 13:49:27

Yes chitlin. Guess I just wanted a
Sense check that I wasn’t over reacting.

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bronzedgodesswannabe Fri 31-Jul-20 13:51:26

You're not over reacting

You deserve better

Aquamarine1029 Fri 31-Jul-20 13:53:01

You can't possibly dump him fast enough.

doodleygirl Fri 31-Jul-20 13:55:28

Ewwwww, why do you want to stay with such a slimeball?

GilbertMarkham Fri 31-Jul-20 13:55:29

I tolerate moderate porn use from.a partner and sometimes use it myself.

I would not tolerate cam "girls", no way, no how.

Your view is totally understandable and moreover you made it crystal clear to him and he went ahead and did it.

And yeah, it seems extremely unlikely he's made videos of himself masturbating, with sex aids etc etc and hadn't posted or shared them.

Chaturbate is for vid sharing isn't it. Among other things oeople (men mostly let's face it) watch live vids of cam girls and if they pay can dictate what sexual actions she does. Presume there's chat and vid sharing as well.

Changemyname08 Fri 31-Jul-20 13:57:30

Is the site you mentioned ‘Chatterbate’ definitely them interacting? I wouldn’t like any sort of porn but it would be more forgiveable if there was no interaction elements. The videos sound odd and you have every right to ask where they’ve been posted.
I wouldn’t be able to accept this as I’d lose trust

GilbertMarkham Fri 31-Jul-20 13:58:25

he doesn’t see the difference between cam

He's about dense then isn't he.

Porn is prerecorded, not live, not interactive, and not personal ... cam shows are not.

And it looks like he's been uploading/sharing porn of himself too .. which is different from watching.

But in any case, you told him cam sex was different to you and unacceptable to you, and he went ahead and did it and hid it.

copperoliver Fri 31-Jul-20 14:00:38

I'd not stay with him. X

TJ17 Fri 31-Jul-20 14:00:39

@Talkingtothebirds tell him you've joined the site and have been on camera for other men. Tell him about all the videos you made of you masterbating and then let's see if he thinks it's overreacting...

Cam girls is way worse than porn and is cheating in my eyes or as close to as you can get. Even if he doesn't think that it is, he still knew you were NOT OK with it so he has no regard to your feelings at all. Makes you wonder if he got the opportunity that night to meet up in real life with someone, would he have? 🤔

Trust would be broken for me.

Laufeythejust Fri 31-Jul-20 14:00:53

I’m sorry it must have been such a shock.

For him to have videoed himself I would think he has posted it to someone or at least put it online.

You’ve set the boundary and he has crossed it and I think that breaking the trust is the worst part of all. I would be on the same page as you- it’s completely different to porn.

Take time for yourself, have a friend round or a pamper night then decide what to do (although I think you already know).

GilbertMarkham Fri 31-Jul-20 14:02:55

He thinks I’ve massively over reacted.

Of course he does.

But if you were performing as a cam girl.fir other men, or taking part as an observer or participant with a male cam 'model" (if such a thing exists outside of gay sites) ... He'd be so chilled and happy and zero problem with it, wouldnt he?

(Reminds me of guys who say they see no problem with lap dancing clubs, big if you ask them if they'd be cool with you giving a guy a lap dance, or getting a lap dance from a male stripper .. their face changes).

Talkingtothebirds Fri 31-Jul-20 14:05:57

Thanks everyone.

He says that he just viewed it and it wasn’t interactive. But how can I even check that? I can’t. Suspect that he deleted it when I confronted him.

OP’s posts: |
Talkingtothebirds Fri 31-Jul-20 14:06:34

Does anyone know how I could find where he has shared the videos. Not that it matters. More for my own satisfaction.

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BCBG Fri 31-Jul-20 14:08:04

No you haven't 'massively overreacted'. I couldn't have an intimate relationship with a man who used Cam girls like wet wipes. Yuk. Even setting aside his own videos.. you deserve more than him and more importantly you deserve trust and respect and that is non existent with this man. Leave him.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 31-Jul-20 14:09:19

Does anyone know how I could find where he has shared the videos. Not that it matters. More for my own satisfaction.

Stop plodding down this road to madness. It will not lead to the satisfaction you think you'll find. You already know all you need to. Get rid and move on.

custardbear Fri 31-Jul-20 14:09:31

Hideous! How does it feel for him / you knowing that he is that sleazy bloke wanking to cam girls who are likely only there because they need money to feed their families, drugs habit etc - disgusting to use girls in that way - they're someone's child / daughter

Porn doesn't bother me as much but again it's often abused women

Talkingtothebirds Fri 31-Jul-20 14:10:11

It’s the timing that makes it ten times worse. I’m at home upset about our argument telling him I love him. He says he is getting an early night. Well yeah, to beat off to cam girls obvs.

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