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20 years and due to get married but not sure

(12 Posts)
Tomatoe88 Thu 30-Jul-20 15:20:24

Hi all just need some advise me and my partner have been together for nearly 20 years since we was 13 we due to get married in March 2021 recently I've been having mixed feeling how I feel I do love him but not sure if I'm still in love with him we have 3 children together so need to consider them I've never been one for going out but in last couple of years started going out with the mums from school only a few times a year and he gets face on about it but I've ignored it and still gone don't if going out with them has opened my eyes but I've started to notice he is quiet controlling he comes out with comments when I say about going out to try and change my mind he gets face on when I go see my family as he doesn't get on with them he tolerates them coz he's with me I don't think he trusts me and I don't why coz I've not gave him reason to he did have affair after we had out first daughter and she 13 this year he can be a very Marcy person and my 2 older children have started to notice it as well and feel they have to walk on egg shells he doesn't really do anything with any of our children and gets at them when they come in when we talking like kids do but we not talking about anything important it's like he wants me all to himself all the time and doesn't even like to share me with his kids sorry to go on and on but just needed to get it off my chest

OP’s posts: |
Lozzerbmc Thu 30-Jul-20 15:24:26

I wouldnt get married if you feel this way. I would suggest delaying for time to work out how you feel. You’re lucky to regret it if not!

Lozzerbmc Thu 30-Jul-20 15:24:45

Likely not lucky! Oops

TwentyViginti Thu 30-Jul-20 15:31:20

He sounds awful and very controlling. He'll get much worse if you marry him. He'll then think of you totally as his possession.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Jul-20 15:41:00

What does your family think of him?
He does sound controlling but you are doing the right thing by ignoring his crap and going out any way.
If your DC are noticing then it's time for a proper talk with him.
He needs to understand his moody mardyness is now becomming a deal-breaker for you.
He shapes up or he ships out!!!

roxfox Thu 30-Jul-20 15:49:01

Gosh. Don't marry him!!!!

Tomatoe88 Thu 30-Jul-20 15:49:11

My family are ok with him my mum knows he mardy moods and does say I need to tell him and talk to him about how I feel but he makes me feel like I can't approach it coz he thinks I'm getting at him and been listening to other people he doesn't take my feelings into consideration think if I approach him about he thinks I want to leave as one of my close friends has just recently split from her partner and I just want to copy her he think I only want to get married coz all my friends are I want to buy the house we live in but again he says I only want to do that coz all my friend own their own houses he doesn't like it if I try and do better for myself my friends want to go away for a weekend away but I no I can't go it's just getting me down

OP’s posts: |
hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Jul-20 15:51:17

Why can't you go away with your friends?
And the more you write the worse it sounds.
Time for a proper talk and if he won't listen then you need to really think about what you want for YOUR future!
Do you want to live like this for the next 20+ years of your life?
It's bloody short. Don't waste any of it!

Tomatoe88 Thu 30-Jul-20 15:59:43

Coz I know the response I'll get if I say I'm going away it will be a living nightmare if I went and can see him being horrible with kids he already clashes with our oldest daughter think he wants to control her as well don't want to do this for next 20 years but just don't no how to walk away think I'm more scared then anything I no I can financially support me and my children as I earn more than him and I can always pick more hours up if needed think I feel sorry for him and I no he's got no where to go I f we spilt up

OP’s posts: |
hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Jul-20 16:04:18

Do you have family who could look after the kids if you go away?
Please don't sacrifice your own life and happiness for this man.
He is really not worth it.
You've given him 20 years already.
You'd have been out for murder in less time!
What he does is up to him.
He can rent somewhere. A room or a flat.
Does he not have any family or friends?

ALLIS0N Thu 30-Jul-20 16:05:47

He will find somewhere to go if you split, I promise you.

Aussiebean Thu 30-Jul-20 16:37:38

Will be way way harder to leave him once you are married.

In fact, you are in a good position to leave him now as you don’t have a mortgage or divorce to go through.

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