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Living with an addictive personality

(6 Posts)
Lilythesink Wed 29-Jul-20 21:30:14

Married to DH for 20 years, been together for 30. Provided financially, quite funny. In that time he has been addicted to weed, had an affair, become a born again Christian, became fanatical about work, guitar, surfing, yoga and now he seems to be redeveloping a porn habit which he just broadcast accidentally to the family over a wifi speaker. On the whole we get on ok but would any sane woman say enough is enough now? Is this what long marriages are like? I'm feeling quite tired with it all and losing the will to care. Thanks.

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Thingsdogetbetter Thu 30-Jul-20 07:23:47

I'd have said enough after the affair to be honest. He obviously needs a new 'high' regularly and I'm presuming they are all at the expense of family.

Would he be willing to go to therapy to get to the root of this constant search for highs to fill whatever void he seems to have? If not, I'd bugger off before it's gambling or coke or conspiracy theories.

Thrill seekers are inherently selfish, and bloody boring with their need to tell you, on and on in detail, about their latest life changing epiphany. They need to feel special as if they're the only one in the world who's just discover the 'perfect' way to live and everyone else are idiots for not seeing them as some kind of guru.

And I speak as a bit of a addictive personality myself.

sausagefest9 Thu 30-Jul-20 07:53:50

I have an addictive personality and thankfully I have the insight to implement strategies on new things that may not be the best ... or I just steer completely clear of.

Does your dh have insight to his addictive personality? Perhaps therapy could help him work on himself and come to realise why he tries to constantly chase something.

I would have left long ago to be honest.

Lynseylou1 Thu 30-Jul-20 07:58:39

My husband is the same we've already been through the gambling addiction (twice!) and nearly lost the house, then there was drugs, currently on drink and football addictions. Its so draining and I've had enough myself!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Jul-20 07:59:54

The affair would have been enough for me.
All the other stuff.... fuck that.
You'd have done less time in prison for murder!
You've done your time.
Get out there and live your best life now!
Time to find you again and lose this waste of space.

Lilythesink Thu 30-Jul-20 09:50:40

Thanks for the replies. He has been seeing a therapist regularly for years, the born again Christianity was a way of him trying to steer himself towards a better place I think. Sort of worked. He has an awareness of his addictive nature and is very apologetic. But it’s compulsive so difficult to stop being who he essentially is. The affair was extremely damaging but went on in a very dark period for him. Nothing good came out of it for him. Our children were young at the time and I thought it would be best to soldier on. He is however the breadwinner by a long long way and I’m having difficulty seeing if separation is just going to make our lives worse. Our daughter has moved back home and is in recovery from anxiety related breakdown. I’m reluctant to rock the boat further I suppose. But I feel very much depleted by all this.

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