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Husband makes me feel stupid in public

(32 Posts)
Snowflakes1122 Wed 29-Jul-20 19:39:05

Sometimes in public situations, if I say something my DH doesn’t like or he wants me to stop talking he will give me this cold stern face to signal me to stop talking. He has done it a few times over the years.

For instance, when I was in labour I wouldn’t stop talking as I was nervous. He did it then and told me to shush. And I felt really upset at the time. He also did it last week when I was taking to a neighbour. All I said was I admired her skills in her profession. Nothing controversial. I don’t understand

Why does he do this?

When I ask him he denies doing it!

He is a nice man other than this. But it’s causing me to lose confidence in myself socially. I feel stupid and embarrassed when he does it. sad

OP’s posts: |
Pelleas Wed 29-Jul-20 19:41:31

He's a dick. Ignore it and carry on talking.

Snowflakes1122 Wed 29-Jul-20 19:43:32

Pelleas, you are probably right. I think that’s an excellent idea, thank you - next time I will just talk even more!! F him!

OP’s posts: |
Craftycorvid Wed 29-Jul-20 19:45:28

He told you to ‘shush’ when you were in labour? 😡. I’m surprised you let him live! This is not ok - it’s intimidating behaviour.

vampirethriller Wed 29-Jul-20 19:47:33

He's not a nice man.

LightDrizzle Wed 29-Jul-20 19:49:26

That’s awful!
It’s hard to believe he’s nice “other than this”

Since he denies it, you have to pluck up the courage to address it as it happens or give him a look back and plough on regardless.

It suggests an awful sense of superiority in him.

OryxNotCrake Wed 29-Jul-20 19:51:04

He’s a dick. Is he controlling in other ways?

Bunnymumy Wed 29-Jul-20 19:53:09

As pp said. How dare he tell you to hush when you were in labour!? That's not something a 'nice man' does. Unless it was whilst the nurse was trying to advise you of something important and you weren't taking it in or something...

I dunno op. Any other red flags? Has he form for being condescending or making you feel 'wrong' in your opinions or like you dont know what you are talking about?

IloveBeefJerky Wed 29-Jul-20 19:53:59

You're not his child. You're letting him control your actions and you shouldn't. Even if you were saying something vaguely controversial that he didn't like, no one has any right to stop you from saying what you want. You are not property. You have your own voice and i suggest you use it to tell him to FUCK OFF AND GET SOME RESPECT.

also, your neighbour probably thinks he is a right cunt

sarahC40 Wed 29-Jul-20 19:55:22

Have you ever told him how he makes you feel? Try that and ask him if he intends to embarrass you, because if he does, he’s a controlling shit. It’s not up to him to steer you like that. Call him out - a stern look from him needs a response right then with, ‘what’s the matter with you?’

wildcherries Wed 29-Jul-20 19:56:17

He is a nice man other than this

This means that he is pleasant when it suits him. So he's not a nice person. I can't believe he shushed you in labour. That's awful. Don't let him get away with this dickish behaviour. I'm upset for you!

Elieza Wed 29-Jul-20 19:56:39

He may have a point if you are wittering in a load of crap and the neighbour is clearly bored! But he shouldn’t be shushing you. He would be better speaking to you about any concerns he has about your chat when the two of you are alone.

As for shushing you in labour, how very dare he wtf was he thinking. You can say or do whatever the hell you want at that one time (providing you’re not hurting anyone obv). The nurse wouldnt mind you chatting away.

Sounds like he is embarrassed by you. That can lead to disrespect. Putting you down. Verbally abusing you.

Get his behaviour nipped in the bud. Tell him it’s disrespectful to shush you and he’d better not do it again. Cheeky guy that he is.

Powerplant Wed 29-Jul-20 19:56:52

Ditto Pelleas he’s a dick carry on talking and when he’s starts shushing or whatever say excuse me to the person you’re talking to, ask DH if there’s a problem then resume your conversation. Do not let him undermine you or affect your confidence.

Snowflakes1122 Wed 29-Jul-20 19:57:03

Not controlling in other ways, but seems to occasionally to do this type of behaviour in public when I’m speaking. He has corrected me in public before (idiot DH was incorrect BTW grin)

It does make me feel inferior. I’m so pissed at him.

I definitely need to call him out publicly next time. I just end up being lost for words and feeling hurt.

OP’s posts: |
bedface Wed 29-Jul-20 19:57:33

Talk more and louder. Don't make yourself small or become silent to please him or anyone else. If he carries on, get rid.

Snowflakes1122 Wed 29-Jul-20 19:57:50

I’m going to talk even more next time he does it. Fuck that fucker.

OP’s posts: |
lesleyw1953 Wed 29-Jul-20 20:02:41

Turn it back on him "Why are you behaving like this ? I've asked you to stop and you are embarrassing me by being so controlling"

fairlyplump Wed 29-Jul-20 20:13:48

Tell him to shut up telling you to shut up. He's not your dad!

Thatnameistaken Wed 29-Jul-20 20:33:48

Just sigh and roll your eyes and carry on. Whoever you're talking to will think he's being incredibly rude anyway, no need for you to feel embarrassed at all.

Nellylou Wed 29-Jul-20 20:34:37

That is really rude giving you the glare to shut you up.. it's a form of control.. like others have said talk louder or tell him how it makes you feel.. if he continues to do this I'd get rid of him

iloverock Wed 29-Jul-20 20:38:41

Why would you not simply say. Did you just tell me to shush. Tinkly laugh and then carry the fuck on.

What a dick

myfavouritefudgecake Wed 29-Jul-20 20:44:04

Eurgh. This makes me go cold all over. It takes a long time to rebuild confidence.

I had an ex who was a bit of a laugh a minute and class clown type in public. He'd do things like this. On one occasion he told a niche joke about a certain celebrity and the group laughed including me; and then he turned to me in front of everyone and said "why are you laughing, there's no way you know who [said celeb] is!". I was quite young and mumbled that I did know and it was the person who did such and such. Nobody around the table ever said anything about it ever again and I considered them my best friends. It took a long time to learn they were silently complicit in his emotional abuse of me and I'm no longer friends with any of them; and ex is very much an ex.

I'm not saying your situation is necessarily the same, as you'll know much better than me, but it took a very very long time for me to recover from multiple occasions like that.

Giraffey1 Wed 29-Jul-20 20:44:19

Give him the Paddington hard stare and then carry on chatting. How dare he!

Regularsizedrudy Wed 29-Jul-20 21:13:11

He is a horrible person

roxfox Wed 29-Jul-20 23:00:07

Snowflakes1122

I’m going to talk even more next time he does it. Fuck that fucker.


Good for you op thanks

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