Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Feel like I can't cope

6 replies

Shefliesonherownwings · 29/07/2020 16:40

I am currently sat in my car near a park crying, just feeling so overwhelmed with life at the moment.

I've posted about this before but basically DH and I lost our first born in November 2019, she was stillborn at 41 weeks during labour. I took six months maternity leave and then returned to work on a phased return basis on May. I am now working three full days a week which in itself is fine. Except my job is quite stressful and whilst we quietened down during the peak of Covid we are now getting busy again and the work is piling on. I logged on on Tuesday to a couple of extra assignments when I already had enough this week to keep me going. I messaged my boss on Tuesday to say I was at capacity and not to give me anymore. She was fine and asked if she needed to take something off me but I thought i could manage it all OK.

I think I would have been OK except I have also been trying to support DH who is suffering with acute PTSD as a result of losing our daughter. He buried things for a good while, tried to go back to work and normality but it caught up with him and he's now off sick. He's just started therapy but is finding a lot of every days tasks difficult so I'm doing a lot of house stuff. But the big issue is that his sick note ran out on Friday. He requested a month's extension last week and the gp asked for some info from his therapist which I forwarded on yesterday. I've just rung up again to see if the note has been done and it still hasn't. DH is getting chased by his boss for an update and is really stressing out over trying to get this note and having to speak to his boss tomorrow. I'm trying to do all the communication with the GP and I've now rung them 4 times in 2 days about this and they still can't say if the doctor has read the therapist's note. I've stressed this is urgent but they don't care. It doesn't help that we still can't get a face to face appointment. DH is practically uncommunicative with worrying about speaking to his work and getting this note and I am running around trying to sort it all and get all my work done.

I'm also 25 weeks pregnant with what will hopefully be our rainbow baby but it is a very anxious pregnancy on its own without all the other stuff including a load of ongoing investigations into our daughters death. As much as I am trying not to get stressed I feel like screaming right now. After my last call with the gp I just had to get out of the house so I've driven to a park for a cry. I just want to run away and ignore all of this. I genuinely feel like I can't do life right now, it's all too hard. Sorry this is long but I needed to get it out.

OP posts:

Report

Hobnob79 · 29/07/2020 16:43

Oh bless you...😩 sorry that your life is tough right now...is there no one else to make all these calls for you?? To take the pressure off you?? X

Report

TokyoSushi · 29/07/2020 16:46

Oh OP, that sounds so stressful, sending lots of unmumsnetty hugs and really hoping that things improve.

Report

Elieza · 29/07/2020 17:11

They can backdate his line. Don’t worry. Surely at worst, dh is so clearly unwell the gp will write a line for at least a week to satisfy the workplace if he needs to speak to the doctor undertaking your husbands care before writing a longer line. Or he may just write the month no bother.

Congrats on the pregnancy.

Report

SheepandCow · 29/07/2020 17:43

I'm so sorry about your loss.

I think other medical professionals can write the sick notes. Would his work accept something from the therapist, even temporarily?

Report

Shefliesonherownwings · 29/07/2020 18:15

I just went down to the surgery as I had to go for something for myself and asked again while I was there. They just say it hasn't been done yet. I asked if the doctor could do it today, they close late on a Wednesday but they just brushed it off. I ended up getting a bit emotional and they said they'd try to get it done today. It doesn't help that you can't go in so I had to basically had to shout across the waiting room with other people around. They just don't seem to care and even though the rational side of me knows it can be backdated and there shouldn't be a problem getting it, I'm just finding it all so stressful, as is DH. It's making things much harder than they need to be.

DH hasn't wanted to tell anyone about being off sick and getting treatment. He's been putting on a brave face and telling people he's been furloughed which was true to start with but then they asked him back and he went off sick. I've been trying to suggest he tells his parents as they live round the corner and would be a great help but he's reluctant. We actually drove to the gp together this evening with a plan to pop into his mum and dads on the way home but when it came to driving down their road he didn't want to so we came home. I think I'm going to have to push him to tell them at the weekend as I need someone else to know for support. I don't want to make it about me but i litetally can't do all this on my own.

OP posts:

Report

Shefliesonherownwings · 29/07/2020 18:19

I feel terrible saying this but I'm getting really frustrated with DHs lack of ability to do anything for himself. I've suggested he tell his boss he isn't up to speaking and he's still trying to get the sick note which will be backdated but he won't contact him. I offered to speak to his therapist myself to ask about her sending something to his work but he didn't want me to. Same thing with telling his parents, I don't want to make him tell them but we can't go on like this.