I think I need a sounding board for something. It's quite long, so apologies in advance. I'm off work at the moment and DM and DF have a couple of weeks of holiday coming up where they'd like to take DD (2) on outings on their own. They've never looked after DD alone before, let alone on an outing, and I feel a bit wobbly about the idea, but I'm not sure if I have a valid reason to refuse or if I'm just being overly anxious.
Relevant information:
- MIL has looked after DD on her own four days a week for a year since she was one year old (stopped since I've stopped being out at work). My sister has also on occasion looked after her solo, but only within the house.
- DM has been pushing as much as she dares to look after DD on her own/with DF basically since MIL started looking after her. I know she gets upset that MIL is allowed to and she isn't. We do go out of our way to visit them a couple of times a month but DM has complained that's not enough.
- DM and I have a strained relationship at times and DM has previously openly mocked my parenting choices in front of the extended family. She has gone against my wishes every time she's had the opportunity to do so (for example, she offered DD chocolate when DD was almost one and we said no thank you, we'd rather not introduce it at this stage. Later in the evening, I found she'd taken DD off to the kitchen and given her the chocolate anyway).
- DF is incredibly racist, homophobic and judgemental towards others, he will make mocking comments when he sees overweight people and use completely inappropriate language/racial slurs. I am concerned that DD may pick up on his attitudes and language.
- DF is very much of the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' mentality and has expounded at length on the importance of hitting one's children to ensure good behaviour. He frequently says he didn't hit us anywhere near as much after we turned two. This concerns me because I remember quite a lot of smackings and because this suggests he found it appropriate to frequently hit a young toddler/baby. He has mellowed as he has aged and hasn't attempted to smack DD on my watch, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about the potential for this to happen. He sometimes think he looks overly disapproving when DD misbehaves like a typical two year old and I do wonder how he'd cope with that without resorting to violence.
They love DD to bits and overall, my DSis and I had lovely childhoods (although DSis did end up with an eating disorder, which I blame DF for). I don't think DD would be in any danger of losing life or limb with them in charge and I've put off letting them look after her for two years now- am I being unfair and overly anxious? It's very hard to be truly objective.
Thanks in advance.