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Friends not replying to messages during lockdown

(59 Posts)
BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:12:02

Anyone else finding that friends aren't replying to messages during lockdown?

I have about 8 friends who I usually keep in regular contact with and have been trying to check in with them, but I'm not hearing back from most of them. Especially the last month or two.

Are people just totally fed up of lockdown and can't be arsed to speak to anyone anymore? I miss my friends!

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MuddledUpAgain Tue 28-Jul-20 14:15:36

Not just you. I've sent messages which I can see have been read and they're just ignored.

I get people have lives and worries with everything going on, but it does make me sad (and cross).

BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:19:05

@MuddledUpAgain Thanks for the reassurance that it's not just me, although sorry you're experiencing the same thing. Yes, I can see they're reading my messages on Whatsapp but no reply. Perhaps they're struggling, but I find it really rude not to respond at all. Would totally understand if they were upfront and said they're finding things difficult. I hope they're not reassessing friendships during lockdown and sacking me off!

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Love51 Tue 28-Jul-20 14:21:39

Did they used to have a commute on the bus when they would reply to messages, and now they are juggling children and work?
Alternatively they have become very insular!

MuddledUpAgain Tue 28-Jul-20 14:23:39

@BoomShacks
Definitely not just you.

I do find it rude and I'm reconsidering the friendships due to it. I understand that they may be struggling, but like you said, why don't they say something. I'm struggling due to the lack of contact myself so guess I'm just stuck in a vicious circle!

SoleBizzz Tue 28-Jul-20 14:24:40

They're fake and always were.

Lochie662 Tue 28-Jul-20 14:34:07

I think it might be that they are becoming more insular, lockdown made our individual worlds a lot smaller and we relied a lot more on our primary relationships and home life. People could either be appreciating that change and embracing it to the detriment of their wider support system. Or they could have lost confidence and motivation in their ability to keep up these relationships ( I am struggling with this a bit tbh).

Either way I do feel normality will resume so don't give up on them too quickly ( obviously don't let them completely ignore you forever either,)

I'm sorry though, it sounds difficult.

ThirtyAndASmidgen Tue 28-Jul-20 14:37:36

I know I’ve been a bit guilty of this. The reason is that I’m fed up of not seeing people and fed up of video calls. Previously we’d have had a good girly night out once every few weeks but now all that stuff has to be compressed into texting or video chat, which I find exhausting after a long day of doing similar for work purposes. Please try to cut your friends some slack and give them a nudge if they don’t reply for a while.

ThirtyAndASmidgen Tue 28-Jul-20 14:38:20

I also used to text a lot on my commute and I’ve lost that now (not that I’m complaining one bit!).

Makegoodchoices Tue 28-Jul-20 14:38:55

I sometimes type up a long message, think ‘I’ll add to that later’ then forget, so I’ve sent nothing but ‘remember’ having replied. Might be that?

BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:39:03

@Lochie662 Thanks for your input - you've made some really insightful points there. I think your suggestions are probably correct and I am going to take your advice about not ending any friendships for the time being. Do you mind me asking why you've lost confidence or motivation to keep up relationships? That's really sad to hear.

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Bagelsandbrie Tue 28-Jul-20 14:40:48

Yep I’ve noticed the same thing. I think everyone is just pissed off with lockdown etc and no one has anything to say!

BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:42:55

@Bagelsandbrie True, but why don't they just say that then?! Anything is better than being totally ignored. I can't stand rudeness.

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Fatted Tue 28-Jul-20 14:43:08

I have to admit that I have taken to switching my phone off in the evenings now because I actually feel like people want to speak with me more since lockdown than ever before! There were people I would see maybe once or twice a month, all in a big group. Now I have every single one of them contacting me separately every day. It gets exhausting relaying the same thing over and over. Plus I'm still working, have the kids home all day and have enough shit going on in my family right now.

So I am consciously withdrawing from people. I like them, just don't want to speak to them every day. I do generally text and say sorry, my phone was off and they know I am struggling with stuff at the moment, so do cut me some slack.

Zany15 Tue 28-Jul-20 14:43:14

I am experiencing the same. It seems as if it's always me who puts in the effort, and then I get nothing back. I know everyone is struggling at the moment, but I find it very rude just to ignore people. I miss face to face contact, and so I am more reliant on emails etc, even though they are a poor substitute.

Inextremis Tue 28-Jul-20 14:46:27

I'm finding the same thing - especially from my best friend - I keep messaging and asking how she's getting on etc., she leaves me on read for days and then gives just a short answer. I'm really hurt by it, to be honest, but am taking the advice on this thread and not about to end the friendship (I love that woman!), I'll just carry on and hope she returns to normal eventually.

BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:47:28

@Fatted Your friends sound too much contacting you every day! Totally understandable that you would withdraw from that, especially if you have other stuff going on and you weren't close friends with them beforehand.

These are friends I'm contacting more like every few weeks or once a month, so pretty different I think.

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BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:48:16

@Zany15 Tell me about it!!

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BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:50:24

@Inextremis If she's your closest friend and you've never had an issue with her before, don't even think about ending the friendship. We're in strange times after all. I'm experiencing the same thing with my best friend, but she's a nurse so I'm not even questioning it.

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Lochie662 Tue 28-Jul-20 14:53:15

@BoomShacks

Part of my problem is because I've had a relationship breakdown over the last while but I actually think my bigger problem is that I had a time in my past when I became extremely depressed and stopped wanting to leave the house because of that. (This was quite a few years ago), but lockdown triggered something and took me back to that time. I honestly think there is going to be a lot of mental health problems coming to the forefront as life gets back to normal. It can be a hurdle to get over for some people but I know as time goes by I will get back to myself a lot more. I hope we all do.

Thank you for asking, that was very kind of you.

BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:58:06

@Lochie662 I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having such a difficult time and lockdown has triggered something in you to go back to your past. That sounds so tough. It's so sad when you poing out that there are going to be so many mental health problems coming out of this time. Sending 💐 to anyone who is struggling. Wish I could be there more for my friends if they are.

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BoomShacks Tue 28-Jul-20 14:59:48

@Lochie662 Also, thank you for sharing that with us.

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OldWomanSaysThis Tue 28-Jul-20 15:00:36

I was already realizing I was a couple of friends' "commute time entertainment" and I was thinking about how I felt about that. Now, with no commutes, it's proving what I suspected. Now what, though? When we go back, do I want to be people's commute time entertainment - And that's the sum total of the friendship?

ArchbishopOfBanterbury Tue 28-Jul-20 15:02:10

I'm definitely less available than I usually am. Working full time with a toddler coworker means every spare second is precious, and I don't want my little one to see me constantly on my phone.

If they're furloughed and child free, that's different, but loneliness and boredom can cause serous mental health worries too.

Keep persevering and don't take it personally.

PixelatedLunchbox Tue 28-Jul-20 15:04:15

I've admittedly become really insular during lockdown. I think for some of us that are introverts, frequent messaging and texting has become actually stressful. Not sure that makes sense to anyone except perhaps other introverts. Perhaps that's the case with your friends OP? Either way, please don't take it personally.

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