Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP hiding things from me

3 replies

SconesJamthenCream · 27/07/2020 12:07

Apologies in advance if this becomes long winded.

Been with DP for 3 years, now have a house together, live with my teens. DP has a teen who lives with his XW. He had an affair ( not with me) and this was ultimately the cause of their marriage failure. They were still married but living apart when we got together so took on good faith that was all dead and buried, but they are still very linked. I understand people can be friendly with their exes (mother of his DC), although not me and my XH. I'm not sure if my viewpoint of my XH muddies my understanding of what is normal.

He has always been upfront that they had a savings scheme that he had signed over as part of the divorce and this was for his DC. No problem and that was all done.

I've found out today that there is another savings plan that he has apparently signed over to his XW this weekend- I've been told nothing. His mother has signed (as an independent witness?) for his XW and he's got our NDN to sign for him!

To put this in context our NDN has been away and I had to pop a parcel around the house on Saturday morning- he was with me. By the time I went round to ask about their holiday and give the parcel he had already been there and got them to sign the form so I was going on making small talk that he must have already brought up!

Why not tell me? I'm hurt that he wouldn't share this info with me and also mightily peed off that he's asked our neighbour- I've lived here before he moved in. I feel like everyone in a keeping secrets from me.

There's been other things before and whilst I don't think they have a relationship I do feel like he's still behaving like he owes her - which I get he probably does.

I'm not sure what advice I'm asking for even - I guess, am I overreacting? He doesn't know that I know yet.

OP posts:

Report

Hailtomyteeth · 27/07/2020 12:12

So you DP does not see you and him as one unit financially? If that's the case, is he committed to you emotionally?

Report

SconesJamthenCream · 27/07/2020 12:14

@Hailtomyteeth

So you DP does not see you and him as one unit financially? If that's the case, is he committed to you emotionally?

You're saying what I'm thinking

OP posts:

Report

SconesJamthenCream · 27/07/2020 13:19

I'm wondering if this is the icing on the cake to call it a day. I'm fed up of being let down.