Advanced search

Why can’t I get angry ?

(13 Posts)
Lovethyselfff Mon 27-Jul-20 08:06:28

Why can’t I get angry at my ex who cheated?it happened last year, he left & was seeing her then stopped and wanted to try with me again. Cue months of hot and cold behaviour off him and I think he’s still in contact with her and yet I still haven’t kicked him to the curb or felt anger, or even got upset !!
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m on anti depressants (is it numbing me?) or am I just pathetic with a low self of worth ?
Why do I want to keep him in my life ?

OP’s posts: |
Perfectstorm12 Mon 27-Jul-20 10:48:28

Oof. I am angry just reading what you are putting yourself through so I don't know. The relationship sounds dead, the trust is gone, you are aware you are possibly numbing, I would imagine there is a whole host of other stuff going on for you that you are potentially avoiding, most importantly your own feelings. Can you have therapy or in the short term could you start writing how you feel? Maybe try writing some angry stuff even if it feels forced and then see what happens. You need to find your self-worth, it is in there, otherwise you wouldn't have written this post. Imagine if this creep was doing this to your best friend and she was reacting how you are. Then place the anger where it should rightly be.

Namechanged127865 Mon 27-Jul-20 10:55:55

It is possibly the anti depressants. They have done the same to me in the past. Leveled everything out so much that I pretty much had zero emotions. He sounds like a prick who is probably enjoying have 2 women after him. Even if you cant "feel" angry you need to get rid of him.

unicornsarereal72 Mon 27-Jul-20 11:42:45

I'm exactly the same. My ex left 3 years ago for ow. He came crawling back recently. Claiming undying love only to be taking the piss all over again. I've always said I don't do angry. I think it stem from an up bringing that was void of any emotion. No shouting or declarations of love. It was just a constant. Maybe something I need to explore further.

pooopypants Mon 27-Jul-20 11:57:30

I was taking an AD and it made me numb. Completely and utterly numb. I usually cry at adverts / anything remotely soppy or emotional... Even things like flash mobs or football crowds singing, anything to do with crowds doing the same thing I think (I draw the line at the Cistine Chapel), but I couldn't muster a single tear. I withdrew from the AD (under a Dr's supervision) and stopped them.

I wouldn't recommend stopping the AD because that isn't necessarily the cause of your 'numbness', purely my own experience of them.

It could be an emotional reaction to protect yourself from the hurt and anger he's caused. I'm no professional though and I'm sure you'll have much better replies than mine

Lovethyselfff Mon 27-Jul-20 12:35:22

Background :We was together 10 years, two kids 9 & 2. Married a year. I suffered with PND after my last, mood very up and down, gained weight, stopped looking after myself, never went on dates anymore. He said he’d felt it wasn’t working over a year ago, that we was more like room mates etc then he cheated with someone at work, told me after 2 weeks. He left (said he wasn’t seeing her but later told me he did start seeing her) then told it was over and he wanted to try again. This was March and he’s being hot and cold ever since then and told me he’s still speaking to her. Says it’s just to say hi but I think it’s more than that.he said he knows speaking with her won’t help me and him work things out. I asked him last week what he wanted from me and he said he doesn’t know and he worries that if we get back together what will happen with the kids if it doesn’t work out.
He has serious communication issues and won’t talk to me.
I just don’t understand why he’s still here, messing with my head.
I also don’t want to have a huge falling out and then for it to be awkward around the kids etc
At the minute he stays over twice a week here, which started because of lockdown. I’ve never know anyone to be so up and down

I imagine I probably am holding it all in, so as not to realise at the shocking way he’s being treating me. It’s like I’m disconnected from it all.
I just can’t imagine him not in my life. But I also know I do deserve more, it was always me being affectionate, never him, me making all the effort etc

He does suffer with depression also but refuses to take anything, so that’s also an issue with him

I’m just started to slowly pull back from him, this can’t go on forever

OP’s posts: |
Lovethyselfff Mon 27-Jul-20 12:52:41

@unicornsarereal72 how did you handle it ?

OP’s posts: |
unicornsarereal72 Mon 27-Jul-20 15:08:30

@Lovethyselfff I just have nothing to do with him. He tells lies and manipulated the situation to get what he wants.

He came because of lock down. But ultimately he had no where else to go I believe.

Like you I know I deserve better. But I just can't seem to let go.

I guess they want to know they have a plan b and like to keep us hang in on.

Perfectstorm12 Mon 27-Jul-20 18:41:34

He's still messing with your head because you are allowing him space to do so. This is what we do when we know it's time to stop and walk away but it's just so difficult to make that final step. Your kids will suffer far worse long term with a hot/cold on/off relationship than the two of you arguing short term to finish this off. You can do this, you deserve better.

Lovethyselfff Mon 27-Jul-20 21:03:57

@Perfectstorm12 completely agree. I don’t understand where my self respect has gone. If someone had asked me what I would have done in the situation before I met him then it would have being the opposite to this.
I don’t know if it’s cause I always thought he was better then me and I’ve gained weight and just feel like a grumpy mum or what!
I feel like my life is on hold...I just want to
Focus on myself, lose weight, practice set care, be happier within myself but there’s just this big block on that

OP’s posts: |
RLEOM Tue 28-Jul-20 00:36:00

Too much hassle and heartache for an unworthy man. Go and find yourself a nicer one.

Perfectstorm12 Tue 28-Jul-20 08:35:45

Well your self-respect is coming through in what you are writing and just because you are writing it. You know what you need to do...many, many other people have faced this hard, horrible decision that tears at the heart because you still have feelings for your partner, but you know it's time to end. Do this for your self-respect. You can continue numbing and distancing yourself but that way will only lead to misery. And you deserve better. Face the pain and ask him to leave forever.

Perfectstorm12 Tue 28-Jul-20 08:42:16

Also, forgive yourself for making choices opposite of what you would have thought you would do. We all do it. We all justify it. Just stop now and let it go.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in