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Disowned & Emotional abuse during pregnancy now I don’t know if I love him 5 months PP

(12 Posts)
RINC123 Mon 27-Jul-20 00:14:24

Hey mums,

I found out I was pregnant mid 2019 with my BF. We decided to move to his parents as it seemed like the best move for support etc. My partner was also battling with depression so we thought it would be best if we moved in with his parents who could help support us through his depression and my pregnancy. We are both in our early 20’s. When I fell pregnant my whole family disowned me, I had no one other than my BF and his family. My boyfriend wasn’t the best to me during my pregnancy he used to Chuck me out of his parents house knowing I had no where to go.he made me walk home at midnight whilst I was 4 month pregnant in the rain and on the motorway once. He told me to go and stay in a hostel/ on the streets. He used to tell me I would be a rubbish mum and he feels sorry for any child that I have. He would always pack my things and threaten to throw me out. He cheated on me during the pregnancy ( he will not admit it but I found evidence in his phone). He brought stuff for the baby and said that I owed him a big amount of money for half of it, when I asked if I could just know what I was paying for he wouldn’t say and threatened to throw me out if I didn’t just pay him. Fast forwarding to birth of our baby, who is now 5 months, I am struggling to show any emotion towards him, I resent him for making my pregnancy so bad. I find it hard showing him any affection and he always brings this up and says I don’t show him love anymore. He is the best dad to our child and he has even been great to me since my child was born but I can not move forward from how he treated me. Part of me hates him because I feel like he kicked me when I was down and had no family or nothing.

Will this feeling pass or should I cut my losses and move on from him. Let me know your thoughts

OP’s posts: |
GreatestShowUnicorn Mon 27-Jul-20 00:25:32

That is abuse what did his family say when all this was going on? If you really want to make it work and think it was all due to his MH issues get counseling but I’d be out of there.

RINC123 Mon 27-Jul-20 00:27:23

He would never do anything infront of his family it wa a always when we’re alone at the house. He has been a lot better since the birth of our son... but I can’t forgive him for how he treated me when I was extremely vulnerable. I can’t even bring my self to tell him I love him sometimes.

OP’s posts: |
Lochie662 Mon 27-Jul-20 00:33:17

You can't continue with this relationship. When a woman is pregnant she is extremely vulnerable and needs extra care.

I'm so sorry but the way you have been treated is so absolutely appalling it shocks me. I don't care that he's young, this man is abusive and has shown a great capacity for cruelty. Get yourself and your child away from him and into your own little safe home where it can be filled with security and love.

This man won't give you that, he's only being nice to you just now because it suits him in some way. Do you have a home now? Is he living with you?

Sakurami Mon 27-Jul-20 02:03:15

Bloody hell. What kind of person treats another human like that, let alone a girlfriend carrying his baby?? I don't blame you for feeling like this and I think you can never trust him. I would leave him. He can still be a father to your child.

Oliversmumsarmy Mon 27-Jul-20 02:13:35

Is he only being nice because if he threw you out he would have the baby to deal with.

Agree you can’t keep on with this relationship.

Have your parents seen their gc or are they still NC with you.

Can you get enough money to rent a flat. Even a studio would be ok at this stage.
Move in with your little one and start to put yourself together again.

I would contact WA and talk to them. They might help you in starting afresh or can point you in the right direction to people who will help.

I feel that it won’t take too long before your bf starts to show his true colours again and it will only get worse.

RINC123 Mon 27-Jul-20 02:15:37

We still live at his parents. He has made me feel like I’m not welcome here. I’m starting to feel bad that I just can’t connect on an emotional level with him anymore.

OP’s posts: |
Oliversmumsarmy Mon 27-Jul-20 02:43:23

Sometimes when someone you love treats you badly and continues to treat you badly at some point they do something. It might be something quite small compared to everything else they have put you through.
But at that moment it is like a switch that turns off and after that it doesn’t matter if they treat you like the most cherished and loved person on Earth you cannot turn that switch back on.

If you are not welcome where you live then you do need to move out.

You need to take baby for a walk tomorrow and when you are on your own start calling people who can help you start a new life with your dc.

Once you get a place to live life will seem a lot easier.

piscean10 Mon 27-Jul-20 06:21:05

The question you need to be asking is how to leave him?
this relationship is toxic.
Your child will definitely pick up on that. is this what you want him to learn?
he treated you less than a human, you do not deserve that.

Glitterandunicorns Mon 27-Jul-20 06:27:16

I'm so sorry to hear of your experience. This is horrific, and very definitely abuse.

You need to find a way to leave for the sake of your baby. You do not want to show him/her that this is what a relationship should look like.

You say he is a good father. How?! He is terrible to you and no decent person would behave in this way.

You said he has depression; well just to pre-empt any thoughts you may have of it being down to his illness, I've suffered very badly with depression in the past, and I have never treated anyone in this way.

You said you have no support. Please contact Women's Aid. They will help you to find alternative accommodation to get you away from this person.

Best of luck for a safe and happy future for you and your child.

Dery Mon 27-Jul-20 07:34:08

Really sorry that you’ve been through this but it’s actually a sign of great emotional health that you no longer love him. His treatment of you has killed his love for you and so it should have.

Making you homeless in the middle of the night is disgusting - you could have been mugged or murdered while he’s making you walk about in the middle of the night.

His alleged ‘depression’ did not cause this. Him being a bastard did. And he knows it was wrong because he always managed to do this to you when his parents weren’t around.

You need to build your own home away from him. You can still co-parent with him after separation.

What steps do you need to take to achieve getting away from him? Do you have somewhere else you could go now? If not, you will need to create that for yourself. Women’s Aid will be able to advise you. There’s a lot of useful information on their website. Don’t let him know what you’re doing. Plan secretly and make your getaway.

MyOwnSummer Mon 27-Jul-20 08:03:55

Funny that you mention he doesn't mistreat you in front of his family. That proves it is a deliberate, targeted choice to be awful.

No wonder that you can't show emotion around him. Self preservation works like that.

I honestly think that your best option is to get away, as quickly as possible.

Have you read "why does he do that?" - its available as a free pdf online.

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