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Husband sent drunken text

(104 Posts)
MummyEB Sun 26-Jul-20 18:29:22

Hi all, looking for some advice please. I’ve been with my partner 15 years, last Thursday my friend messaged me with her Facebook login details and asked me to check her messages. Two weeks ago she received drunken messages from my partner pretending to be me ( can I point out I wasn’t even at home) to try and get her round our House presuming he was going to have sex with her! She didn’t reply until the next day and told him it was weird and he needed to tell me what was going on. This weekend he’s messaged her again whilst stupidly drunk telling her how much he fancies her. She again warned him if he didn’t tell me she would, and she did. He messaged her back sober begging her not to tell me and said it would never happen again, how much of an idiot he was. I confronted him and kicked him out, he cried and said he’d made the biggest mistake of his life, he didn’t remember, he didn’t tell me as he was so embarrassed. I don’t know what to do? We have two boys together, a house, a life. I’m so angry and feel so betrayed

OP’s posts: |
LexMitior Sun 26-Jul-20 18:33:06

That’s awful and what a shit.

He didn’t remember doing this twice? Come on. He’s done this before, to other women.

Men don’t spontaneously message women like this and forget. It’s a technique. Much like his excuse.

Morgana7 Sun 26-Jul-20 18:35:09

How awful!
It would be bad enough doing it to someone you don’t know, but to message your best friend saying he really fancies her?! I would never get over that level of betrayal.

babycakes1010 Sun 26-Jul-20 18:37:15

He knows ....maybe once but twice! He's taking the piss...get rid of him!

cosmicbabe Sun 26-Jul-20 18:37:26

Isn't it always the I'm sorry I didn't mean it. Bullsh*t!!

Leave x

LatteLover12 Sun 26-Jul-20 18:37:56

Your friend did exactly the right thing and so have you!

Don't let him back, he'll have done it before. There's no way he didn't remember, he's just a chancer that got caught!

You'll be a million times better off without him x

TheSecondMrsAshwell Sun 26-Jul-20 18:37:57

Well, even if he didn't remember doing it, the messages would be on the phone next day for him to look at and say "WTF did I send that for?" If he deleted them straight away, then he wasn't drunk enough not to remember what he'd done - he was sober enough to cover his arse.

Weetabixandcrumpets Sun 26-Jul-20 18:38:06

My STBX set up a complete and detailed dating profile on 'illicit encounters' and told me that he remembered nothing about it because he was so drunk etc etc.

He is lying.

Greenbks Sun 26-Jul-20 18:38:39

Op, I’m so sorry.

Do you have access to his face book account to check if he’s done this before with others?

It’s a tricky situation, had it been the one with someone random and nothing had happened I think it may have been easier to forgive and move on. However he has done this twice, with your friend, that’s a huge betrayal and lack of loyalty.

I agree with others that he is using being drunk as an excuse.

Greenbks Sun 26-Jul-20 18:42:45

also you say you don’t know what to do. Is there any way you both can live apart for a bit so you can clear your head? You really have two options, first you break up with him because you deserve so much better Than the way he’s treated you. This has financial and other implications especially since you have kids.

or two: you forgive him and let him back in your life. The implications around this are the obvious of can I trust him, will he do this again, can I love him the same and also how will your relationship pan out with your friend?

How was your marriage before this happened?

JammyHands Sun 26-Jul-20 18:47:21

your friend is a good friend

she did the right thing

MummyEB Sun 26-Jul-20 18:48:11

I thought he was my best friend, we’ve been through so much together. He has a drink problem, when he goes out with friends he drink until she’s stupidly drunk and doesn’t know what he’s doing! I know this isn’t an excuse for what he has done. He’s saying that he’s let me and our family down, he’s taken us for granted. I thought we were good, to be honest I felt like we had it all. Obviously not x

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sun 26-Jul-20 18:52:15

Two weeks ago she received drunken messages from my partner pretending to be me ( can I point out I wasn’t even at home) to try and get her round our House presuming he was going to have sex with her!

He tried to trick her into coming to your home?! Fucking HELL that is creepy. What would have happened if she did and then refused him? Sounds like a sexual assault by a drunken pig just waiting to happen.

If it were me, he would be gone and he would stay gone. Be thankful you have such a good friend who was honest with you.

LexMitior Sun 26-Jul-20 18:53:34

So he has a drink problem???

Again, this a very old excuse. People know. They keep on drinking so they can do the same old behaviours. Suits them, but not you...

Beautiful3 Sun 26-Jul-20 18:54:13

That's awful behaviour. He did it twice. Your friend was right to tell you. I wonder how many other women, hes done this too? Keep him kicked out.

BarbedBloom Sun 26-Jul-20 18:57:26

I think that is so creepy. He tried to trick your friend into coming to the house so he could have sex with her? What the actual hell? Was he going to assault her?

You obviously need to make your own decision but I have to say, given the above, if my friend went back to her husband after that our friendship would be over

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Sun 26-Jul-20 18:59:16

He was sober enough to access your account and type messages. Your friend cares about you, be glad about that. I'm sorry that your husband has let you down so badly.

namechange12a Sun 26-Jul-20 19:02:05

OP as an adult you take responsibility for your behaviour. If you have a habit of binge drinking and not knowing what you're doing, then you stop drinking. You grow up.

You want to believe him so you're looking for excuses to take him back but he's hassling your friends for sex. He's a sleaze OP and he hasn't taken responsibility for this either.

I'm not sure I'd want a binge drinking sleaze for a partner but it takes all sorts.

Mummyshark2018 Sun 26-Jul-20 19:13:07

Lucky escape I'd say. Well done for kicking him out. Imagine if he'd text someone who'd reciprocated.....

howfarwevecome Sun 26-Jul-20 19:16:33

I don't know what to advise, OP.

But I would like to say that your friend was very brave to tell you he was doing this and I hope you aren't holding it against her. So many people shoot the messenger unfairly.

Good luck.

tellmetocalmdown Sun 26-Jul-20 19:19:37

I think that is so creepy. He tried to trick your friend into coming to the house so he could have sex with her? What the actual hell? Was he going to assault her

This was my first thought too. This goes way beyond stupid drunk flirting. I'd be seriously concerned he was going to sexually assault her. This is very predatory behaviour and I think you need to think long and hard about leaving this man if he is exhibiting this kind of perverted behaviour.

MummyEB Sun 26-Jul-20 19:20:34

I have thanked my friend for telling me, I would never hold this against her. She has done nothing wrong. I just feel like our whole relationship has been fake.

OP’s posts: |
Bluepolkadots42 Sun 26-Jul-20 19:20:45

So sorry- that is so horrible and such a wicked thing for him to have done. Both you and your friend have done the right thing. I hate to say it, but agree with the PPs who have said he has likely done this before to other women. Leopards don't change their spots sadly. I am glad you have decent friends around you who will put your interests first- use their support and get rid of your loser husband. flowers

SadSack39 Sun 26-Jul-20 19:23:40

Sounds like hed thought about it happening a lot like a sordid sick fantasy and planned it out in his head hoping your friend would be on board, just needed the drink to have the balls. hes not loyal. Get rid.

LizzieBennett70 Sun 26-Jul-20 19:24:23

Don't be his doormat.

He's a pathetic drunk who messages your friends. And thinks he should get away with it.

And he's the one who has thrown your family life under the bus.

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