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Is it time to move on?

(4 Posts)
Janeale Sun 26-Jul-20 18:25:47

I met my partner 18 months, great chemistry between the both of us. We're both divorced with children so tricky in finding time to be together as a couple much less a family especially when we live 70 miles apart. We really only have time to see each other on the weekends. I've tried to involve him in my life, by inviting him to events and my daughter's school which he is very supportive but it's not reciprocated. I don't get invited to anything. He has a great relationship with my daughter, while his kids are polite to me. I know it is a big change but I try not to intrude on their space which is why I visit twice a month.

I've got him down as my next of kin, he still has his ex wife down as next of kin because of the children he says. He has helped me with redecorating my home, while he hasn't involved me at all in his redecorating the kitchen.

He was made redundant earlier this year and is trying to transition into a new career. I've tried my best to support him, helping with logistics and admin which has raised his profile but now he has asked for a time out from our relationship because he just wants time for himself. I haven't been in contact in over three weeks. I have a good relationship with his parents who live nearby because like me, I'm concerned about his mental health especially when I saw some of his recent artwork posted on social media.

I'm unsure what to do. Yes, I'm giving him the time and space, but what about afterwards? Since we have been together I've been doing the heavy lifting in this relationship and it's wearing me down both physically and mentally. I know I can count on this forum for a range of views so would really appreciate your advice. Thanks smile

OP’s posts: |
Blanca87 Sun 26-Jul-20 18:46:50

You put him as your next of kin after 18 months?! I mean this kindly but it all sounds a bit intense on your end.

BraverThanYouBel1eve Sun 26-Jul-20 19:14:43

If he wants a timeout, then he wants a timeout. You're not in a good position to help with any hypothetical mental health problems but if you strongly suspect he might be in a dark place then a kind thing to do would be to alert his friends to this and ask them to check up on him every now and then.

Opentooffers Sun 26-Jul-20 19:24:14

He's not as invested as you are and has kept a distance. I do think also that having him as your NOK was unwise, you are not even living in the same town let alone together. Letting him get involved in your DD's school events is also too much for a distance relationship, that has proved to be one-sided unfortunately. If you find you are doing all the giving with no reciprocation, take the hint and leave him be. Not really practle for 2 families with young children to manage a distance relationship, I would narrow the catchment area down, it all becomes too hard in the end as you have found.

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