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Feeling guilty - would really appreciate some kindness this morning.

(19 Posts)
CakesRus3 Sun 26-Jul-20 07:34:07

I have worked all of lockdown (im a nurse) and at the beginning my anxieties were heightened to the max. I'm a single parent, so juggling was difficult. All I have wanted to do is keep my dc's safe. In the last 6 weeks, I have been more relaxed. Due to our surroundings becoming safer. My dc's have neen happy and felt safe too. It's become a normal way of living. During this time I was dating someone, it ended a couple of weeks ago via text message. No explanation. Anyway, this morning I am feeling terribly anxious/guilty.
I have a friend who is also a nurse, we decided that we should go out (pubs are open outside only in Wales) as we have both found the last few months difficult and she has become single recently. It was supposed to cheer me up. However, although everything was set outdoors and table service, sanitised areas and toilet etc. I feel guilty for going. Prior to this (at the beginning), I promised myself I wouldn't possibly go anywhere other than essential places. I have been so caucious/as safe as I possibly can be, to keep me and my family well. I feel I have been selfish going out. That's one reason. Another, I stupidly sent a message to the guy I was dating. Obviously he has ignored me. I feel silly doing that.
Anyway, feeling really awful this morning. This site has been good to me so many times. I really needed to post.

OP’s posts: |
Weetabixandcrumpets Sun 26-Jul-20 07:46:50

What you did was perfectly within the guidelines and sounds absolutely safe (I'm assuming you didn't run up to strangers and lick their faces!). Your mental health and wellbeing is of vital importance, especially as a single parent, and the occasional night out with a friend will support this. Do it again!

As for the text. Yes, we've all been there. Was the message hideously embarrassing? Was it late on and he just hasn't noticed? Either way, don't worry. If it was incredibly inappropriate just send a brief message this morning saying 'Oops, trouble with 5 months being locked up is one night out goes to my head' . Then make yourself a big bacon sandwich and a coffee (or equivalent according to dietary needs!) and enjoy the sunshine x

hiddeneverythin Sun 26-Jul-20 07:48:32

Oh dear. You just have the fear. It is perfectly ok to go to the pub and do normal things. Make sure you go again x

Choice4567 Sun 26-Jul-20 07:50:18

@Weetabixandcrumpets please tell me you weren’t normally running up and licking people and it’s just the pandemic that’s stopped you?!!

TigerDater Sun 26-Jul-20 08:01:41

Please give yourself a break and a hug. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, indeed you did completely the right thing by going out and enjoying yourself. This was what you NEEDED, and you did so responsibly congratulate yourself on getting out there.

Texting your ex? Meh. Fuck him. Who cares? We’ve all done it.

You’re fantastic OP.

Mindymomo Sun 26-Jul-20 08:01:53

Forget the guy, I know it’s hard and has come at a bad time, but you are better than that. You are a mother and it sounds like, a really good one. We all are struggling with going out, although places are open, I am finding it hard to go anywhere new, let alone eat out, so you’ve done better than me.

Bemorechicken Sun 26-Jul-20 08:05:16

Delete his number. You can do better with a wall at least you can paint it whatever colour you like. Please don't beat yourself up.

category12 Sun 26-Jul-20 08:09:16

Gotta case of the beer fear? It'll pass.

LunaHardy Sun 26-Jul-20 08:14:33

Like the others have said, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. You sound like you needed it and deserved it. Don't feel bad!

And as for the text, we really have all been there. Nothing worse than that cringey feeling. Delete the message and pretend it never happened! That's what I do! Maybe delete his number too incase you're tempted again next time you go to the pub 😄

Planbforme Sun 26-Jul-20 08:21:25

Yeah THE FEAR is all it is I’d say. Did you enjoy your night?

You’re human & did nowt wrong. What did the text say? Unless it was an angry text (which I assume it wasn’t), it’s really no biggie. I’ve done that in the past — it’ll pass & you’ll both forget. brew

Daven1982 Sun 26-Jul-20 08:51:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CakesRus3 Sun 26-Jul-20 08:57:00

Thankyou all so much, for your kind words too. Already you have all helped in making me feel a little better. I really appreciate it 😊
Yes, all safe (no licking faces, that made me laugh out loud). It was lovely to catch up with my friend and just be in a different environment. I keep telling myself it was safe. I think it is a new way of living for a while. It's usually work and shopping for myself and walks with my dc's for their wellbeing too. So all essential until yesterday.
The text. It said I missed his company and could we possibly meet up again. I left it at that. I didn't hear anything back. I have deleted contacts. I feel a bit of a plonker and it's hit home that he really isn't interested. Yes, you are right, it will pass.

OP’s posts: |
category12 Sun 26-Jul-20 08:57:59

@daven1982, I think you probably meant to start your own thread? You can try again and report your own post on this one, to get it removed.

Daven1982 Sun 26-Jul-20 09:17:59

Whoops sorry and thank you!

BraverThanYouBel1eve Sun 26-Jul-20 09:30:06

I get into similar patterns under stress and I think it's typical anxiety symptoms so long term perhaps look into managing it the best way you can. Exercise, meditation etc. I have medication in my drawer (beta blockers) that I don't use grin but I know that if I need to, it's there and it'll help. Just knowing this helps me.

Going out the way you did is safe and important, your anxiety is telling you lies that it's not. With regards to the guy,.. "there's no use crying over... fish in the sea" grin (MadMen (c))

Isthisnothing Sun 26-Jul-20 09:46:26

Awwwhhhh big hugs to you OP, these are truly crazy times.

I was shielding for the first few months of lockdown but am out now, it felt very very strange at first. You need a little time to adjust, that's all. I met up with some friends and honestly everybody after a few drinks has been behaving like wild animals let loose from captivity (or teenagers) - crying, fighting, smoking for the first time in years, vomiting... Honestly a text to a recent ex is nothing! We have all been there.

You are feeling extra fragile if you're hungover. Get out for a walk, then order a takeaway and settle down in front of the TV.

Just block your ex, he's not worth another second of worry.

peppermintteadrinker Sun 26-Jul-20 10:25:12

Awh you've done nothing at all to feel guilty about. Please give yourself a break. You've been through a really tough time as many of us have. You've not done anything wrong.

Planbforme Sun 26-Jul-20 10:37:17

Aww don’t feel like a plonker for the text. I’ve done exactly what you did and you know what, I’d rather be vulnerable every now and again than be guarded my whole life. Having feelings for someone is nothing to be ashamed of.

The Fear can be wicked but it’s not who you are. You deserve to enjoy yourself. flowers

CakesRus3 Sun 26-Jul-20 16:05:10

Thankyou everyone, so so much. I feel lots better (just had a little blip as I just drove past him), I know it will pass as I am already feeling better after reading all you messages and kind words. Thankyou again 😊

OP’s posts: |

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