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mixed messages from girl

(6 Posts)
Loodibo Sat 25-Jul-20 21:52:25

I'm basically confused and not sure how to proceed here.

I met a girl on the match app and we started chatting. I felt like we hit it off quite quick, were getting to know each other and enjoying the chat. Loads in common.
We were texting for a few days almost non stop. It felt like a real click.
So we arranged a date. We had been flirting a fair bit, but she said she had only recently broken up with an ex so wasn't keen to rush into anything, and we were definitely not going to sleep together on the first date. She said she wanted to get to know me first. That was/is totally fine by me.

So we meet. Chatting, enjoying each other's company. Drinking. She says she's over her ex now. She opens up a lot. Tells me secrets. At one point she's in tears about what she's telling me. It's obviously very personal and I'm honoured she feels comfortable to speak to me about it.
Before long things become physical, despite her saying she wouldn't. We go back to mine. We fool around a bit, but don't have sex. She stays over as she's tired and not feeling well from drink.

I walk her home in the morning. She's a bit upset about how fast things went.

After that, we arrange a second date on condition that there is no alcohol and clothes stay on, and we avoid sexual stuff.
So I invite her for board games. It's all good for a while, but then she offers me a massage and leads the conversation to sex again. I was behaving, but as she's opened the door, I'm happy to join in. She very much leads the convo though, and seems to enjoy turning up the heat. She tells me all the things she'd like to try with me.

I feel like, I am happy to wait for her to be ready, and go at her pace, but she's running with it.

So overall, although she is saying she wants to go slow, she seems keen to jump in too.

So anyway. We're back to text the next day. Having a great convo, talking about all the things we can do next time we meet up.
Suddenly, she says she's not into me romantically and just wants to be friends. Still getting over ex. She wants to do the things we were talking about but she's sure she doesn't see a romantic future for us.

So, obviously I'm confused. Blowing hot and cold. I don't know if she really means there is no future or if that is just the feeling today? Despite the mixed messages, I really really like her and think she's really special. I've told her as such too.
So there is also the factor of hanging out as a friend with the elephant in the room of my feelings for her.

OP’s posts: |
Yaottie Sat 25-Jul-20 21:58:57

God she sounds like she's already messing you about. You can't be friends with someone like that, she will keep you dangling until you start to lose interest in being treated like shit, then she will reel you in again by giving you all her attention, then once you're hooked again she will drop you.

She's not special. Cut her off and find a woman who wants a relationship if that's what you're after

Stelmariah Sat 25-Jul-20 22:02:43

She said it herself: she is not over her ex. Did it sink in? People don’t say things like these lightly.
I would stay away from her.

Sunshineonrainydays Sat 25-Jul-20 22:05:46

Be careful you don’t get hurt OP. She is obviously struggling to get over her ex. I think she likes you but is just not ready to move on yet. It’s not fair on you to be strung along like this.
I would take a step back because the more this continues the more you may fall for her and end up heartbroken.

Bananabread8 Sat 25-Jul-20 22:09:53

Board games? Stand strong. Meet in public places for your own sake and hers. She’s probably slightly vulnerable right now and not over her ex tbh.

rvby Sat 25-Jul-20 22:12:41

I suspect she was never sure of you, hence talking about her ex. She met up with you, got drunk, tried some sexual stuff and probably didnt feel a spark. She met up with you again and tried it on while sober, to test whether the chemistry was actually there without drink - and confirmed that it wasn't.

She now wants to be friends because she is now sure that she isnt into you in a romantic way. She gave it a go and sadly things must have not felt quite right.

If you dont want to be friends, just politely decline.

Whatever you do, do NOT hang around trying to convince her to have a relationship with you. She has given you a very good shake, take her at her word.

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