Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
I told him to leave and I’m carrying his child(12 Posts)
Absolutely besotted with him, I have a very unhealthy love and attachment to him. Been together 4 years and during the whole time my feelings were so intense and I was always terrified of something going wrong but I did always feel like one day he would ruin it.
We struggled to conceive for 3 years, one miscarriage, did ivf which failed and then I am now pregnant naturally with this miracle rainbow baby. I’ve always dreamt and prayed for this day but it’s been completely ruined by him.
I kicked out him two days ago because he is messaging other women. This isn’t the first time and this was the final straw. He left with no fuss and took all his stuff with him.
I just don’t know how to cope? I feel so overwhelmed at times like I can’t do this. I feel so bad for even saying that but how do I move on from someone whilst carrying their child? I lost my job at the beginning of lockdown so I’m at home alone. I cry all the time, have battled severe depression and anxiety for most of my life and now the pain is so overwhelming. I am struggling to eat and get out of bed everyday. I don’t even know how to get through hour I am a complete mess at the moment and i just need some help.
I'm just here for a handhold ....forget him and think of yourself and your little one x
How awful for you. Is there anyone in RL who could come and support you or someone you could go to? (e.g. mum, friend) just so that they can coddle you a bit and make sure you eat and take care of yourself.
Try to focus on the baby and the future. You are going to be a mum and your priorities will completely change. Your love for your child will outweigh any feelings for him. Try to look forward not back. X
You have absolutely done the right thing. He clearly has no respect for you and your relationship. You cannot make the wrong person love you the right way.
Don't look so far ahead, just keep focussing on getting through the next hour. You really should try and eat a little, even just a small snack every couple of hours until you can manage a meal.
I know it's hard to see now, but the pain does lessen over time, it really does. You have a whole new future to look forward to and there will come a time where you will look back and wonder wtf you were so upset over.
Look after yourself
Do you have any real life support. Try an eat little an often and make sure you drink to stay hydrated
Thank you for all of your comments. My mother and my friends have been really supportive. I’m holding onto what @Sassytwentyfour7 said about my love for my child will outweigh my feelings. Thank you for the encouraging words I will hold onto it and be as strong as I can.
Do your family and friends live nearby?
You can move whilst pregnant, but he can apply to court to have your child returned if you move after the child is born.
I'm in an identical situation as you I caught my ex texting another woman when I was 9 weeks pregnant and I am now 37 and a half weeks pregnant and have not set eyes on him since I was 9 weeks gone.
I'm not going to lie the last few months were horrific he sent abusive messages, blamed me told me he didnt want the child and then told me I wont take his child away from him ..complete narcissist.Made horrible threats and the name calling was horrific!
I continued with the pregnancy because I thought we'd somehow magically fix it all and live happily ever after...this did not and will not happen! But I dont for one second regret continuing with the pregnancy. So Its likely that you will be a single mother if you continue with this pregnancy.
It will be an emotional battle for you there were weeks that I was barely functional. I was signed off work with stress and to be honest I was pushed to the limits of what I thought I was capable BUT here I am so excited about the arrival of my little girl in just a few weeks. I'm a better person without him!!
COUNSELLING.. I cannot stress those enough you need intensive and honest counselling!!! The break up and the pregnancy hormones will make you erratic!!
On a practical sense it's tough but empowering!! I've bought and decorated my own house since we split!! I have paid for everything my baby needs and yes its tough but it's so so so empowering!! I was so reliant on my ex to make me feel good when in actual fact the relationship was completely one sided and very abusive I was constantly watching my actions or words in case I triggered him...I felt I needed a man to make me but not anymore!! I'm going to raise a kick ass strong little girl who knows her own self worth!!
You can do this it wont be easy and you will fall and cry and feel broken but it's a chapter not your life story. And the love you feel for your child will overshadow everything
Feel free to message me any time
@2ndtimemum2 you are inspirational. I’m so sorry you went through that but it’s so comforting someone understands and is further along the same route as me. I am barely functioning at the moment just surviving through each day and it’s hard not to be terrified of the future. I will hold onto your story and I hope I can show the same resilience. Thank you so much for sharing and I can only imagine how excited you are to meet your daughter xx
@PicsInRed yes I have a small but good support network. Thanks for letting me know about the moving and options xx
Please login first.