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Has anyone else suddenly stopped liking a friend for no obvious reason?

(9 Posts)
nononononon Sat 25-Jul-20 17:14:31

This has just happened to me and I can remember it happening at least twice in the past. I have a friend that I've previously got on pretty well with but who has a few annoying characteristics, but haven't we all. We met up a few weeks ago and suddenly all of the things I found annoying seemed magnified. I thought maybe I was just having a bad day so left it a couple of weeks and then sent her a message to see how she was doing, but her reply really irritated me. Today she has sent me a message suggesting we meet up and I dont want to go. It's like a final straw moment happened last time we met and I just dont want to be friends with her anymore.

I remember a similar thing happening a couple of years ago with another friend who I thought could be a bit self absorbed but was generally a good person. Then one day she sent me a message, I can't even remember what it was about, and something switched in my brain and I just found her too self absorbed to deal with anymore and I didn't reply. We haven't spoken since.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm too intolerant and a bad friend or has anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP’s posts: |
AmandaHoldensLips Sat 25-Jul-20 17:23:30

Some friendships are life long. Others run their course, with a natural beginning, middle and end.

I've had some friendships which I thought would be life long, but for various reasons they became too high maintenance - lots of taking and very little giving.

I think that when a friendship is no longer a mutually positive experience, then i's time to re-evaluate.

Friends should add something to your life experience, rather than detracting from it. Like the friend who starts to turn up every Friday to moan her tits off about her life and doesn't leave until you are exhausted and there's nothing left in the fridge/wine stash. Every week for 4 years.

keepingbees Sat 25-Jul-20 17:30:35

Most of my friendships have been very 'take take' on the other persons part and it wears very thin.
I gave up with on particular friend who was generally a nice person but her DC were unpleasant and used to make my DS miserable every time we visited. That and she didn't drive so I was a taxi service every time I saw her. She lived on the opposite side of town to me so it was a faff. She never offered petrol or car park money, not that I would've taken it, but it just ended up a lot of hassle for very little back.

Titsywoo Sat 25-Jul-20 17:35:15

I understand friendships ending but it seems a bit like you want your friends to be perfect. One slightly off text and you dump someone? I wouldn't want you as my friend!

nononononon Sat 25-Jul-20 17:39:29

That's what I worry about titsywoo particularly as it's the third time it's happened. Although I do have friends I've known for decades who are definitely not perfect.

OP’s posts: |
Rudyruby Sat 25-Jul-20 20:20:24

This is me! But I think I take slightly off behaviour for a while and then something happens and it becomes the straw that broke the camels back. It may seem like nothing but it is the final 'thing' in a long list and something clicks.
No different to having a boyfriend and then suddenly getting the 'ick'! The scales fall from your eyes and you see the person as they are not how you want them to be. I can idealise people - am working on that!

sadie9 Sat 25-Jul-20 20:20:31

Hard to know really without having the detail. It could be you projecting anger about someone else onto her. Because you are afraid to get annoyed with the other person.

ihavelostit Sun 26-Jul-20 22:04:13

I'm experiencing this recently with a friend I've had for over 10 years. He has recently moved home from a city around a 6 hour train journey from me so I'm not sure if it is now having him literally round the corner that I have started to notice more and more things I dislike.

He is incredibly self absorbed, he bitches about other friends so much that I am under no illusion that he must do the same behind my back and I genuinely am just not enjoying his company anymore.

It makes me really sad because we have been through thick and thin together and he has been a great support throughout the years and I believe I have been the same to him but I just can't stand him anymore. I have gently tried to point out that all he speaks about is himself/his job/gossiping about others but he doesn't change it. It's at the point now that I can't continue the friendship as I'm about to explode.

The thing is he has always been like this, I had just always accepted it, it's only since getting a little older I think I deserve better in a friend and also I have a really close friend who is amazing and asks questions about my life and listens and supports me that I just put so much more effort into that friendship as it's reciprocated.

User56781234 Sun 26-Jul-20 22:14:04

It could just be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Or if you're a Myers Brigg INFJ, the INFJ Door Slam.

introvertdear.com/news/infj-door-slam-things-you-should-know/

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