How to transition into amicable co-parents?

[lw26]

Hi,

Me and my ex have recently split and there is no chance on reconciliation, though I believe he hopes that their might be.

We have a 21 month old who I'm eager for him to continue to have a relationship with, though one of the many reasons for us splitting was due to him never spending time with her/us, amongst other things.

He has left the family home, but at the moment he is bombarding me with texts and turning up at all hours. Can anyone give advice/share their stories on how you overcome the initial break up (when one of you doesn't want it to happen) and moved into a amicable co-parent relationship please?

I've already told him that unless it is to discuss dc I don't want to hear from him, but it seems to be falling on deaf ears.

Thank you.

[Silkroad]

It will take time to get to what you want. The pressing need is to get him to understand that it is over and you don’t want him coming round all the time. Don’t reply to any texts.

[lw26]

Thank you @Silkroad . I've told him I will not be replying to any messages unless it's in regards to dc. He doesn't seem to be getting the message.
I also told him I want to organise what days/times he will be having her. He is saying that he is entitled to pick her up and take her whenever he wants. Which I'm not sure is right?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

He is not going to be at all amicable towards you and there are red flags already re his behaviour now. He will further try and use the child here as a ways of punishing you further for having the cheek to leave him because in his head he is the most perfect of specimens.

He is already ignoring any boundaries you care to set and now he is telling you he can pick her up and take her when he wants. Its not up to him and I would now get further tough on him and arrange a formal schedule of contact through the courts. If you have not already done so I would also set in motion a child maintenance claim for his children. He is the sort that if you give an inch, he will take a mile. My guess as well is that he behaved exactly the same towards you when you were in a relationship with him.

[lw26]

@AttilaTheMeerkat it's almost like you know him that's how spot on you are!

That could be a good idea. I didn't want to have to go through the courts to arrange when for him to see her but I might have to if he just keeps turning up.

He's literally text me saying that he isn't taking no for an answer in regards to him moving back in. There is no way that is happening.

I've told him the only contact I want is to arrange him to see our daughter, but he is bombarding me with messages and phone calls (which I'm not answering) one minute apologising then the next blaming me for everything. Not once has he even asked how his daughter is.

[YouUnlockedTheGateAnd]

What Attila said...

Buckle up for a bumpy ride. He’s a nob. And is going to act like one.

[Anonanonon]

OP were you married? If so starting some official mediation may help - in fact it may be worth it even if you weren’t. They can help you reach an agreement for who has your child at what time in an official capacity (so cutting out the need for text conversations on the matter) and this can then be submitted to the courts to be legally binding.

[lw26]

@Anonanonon no we are not, thank god! I may have to go down that route but wouldn't even know where to begin.
I don't think he would hire his own mediator though. He's too tight.

The texts keep coming and I'm trying not to bite but it's hard.